Most people don’t walk around announcing they have low self-esteem. They mask it. Wrap it up in politeness. Humor. Over-apologizing.
But if you listen closely, there are certain phrases that give it away—not because they’re loud, but because they’re quietly pleading: Please like me. Please approve of me. Please don’t leave.
Here are 10 phrases I’ve heard over the years—phrases that often come from folks who don’t yet believe they’re enough without constant reassurance.
If you recognize some of these in yourself or someone you know, don’t take it as shame. Just take it as awareness. That’s where the real work begins.
1. “Sorry, I know I talk too much…”
This one shows up right after someone shares a story, a thought, or just has the spotlight for a moment. They immediately backpedal. Apologize for taking space. Try to shrink themselves mid-sentence.
It’s not about being polite—it’s about feeling like their voice is a burden. People with healthy self-esteem know they’re allowed to speak. To share. To take up a little room in the conversation.
2. “It’s probably a stupid idea, but…”
You’ll hear this one a lot before someone suggests something. They lead with self-deprecation, hoping to soften the blow in case others don’t agree.
But here’s the thing: pre-rejecting your own ideas doesn’t make you humble—it just signals that you don’t trust your own judgment.
People with confidence don’t need to call their thoughts “stupid” to feel safe sharing them.
3. “I’m fine, really. It’s no big deal.”
Even when it is a big deal. Someone with low self-esteem often hides pain behind dismissal. They don’t want to “make a fuss.”
They don’t want to be seen as difficult. They’d rather suffer quietly than risk being inconvenient. But here’s what I’ve learned: people who love you want to know when something’s not fine.
And being honest doesn’t make you needy—it makes you human.
4. “I totally get it if you don’t want to…”
This phrase usually shows up in texts, especially when someone is trying to make plans, ask a favor, or express a need.
They preemptively give the other person an out—not because they’re flexible, but because they’re afraid of rejection. It’s a way of saying: “Please don’t say no, but if you do, I’ll pretend it doesn’t bother me.”
Healthy self-worth means being okay with hearing no—without assuming it means you’re not valued.
5. “No worries if you’re busy!!”
Similar to #4, but this one’s usually tacked onto the end of a request.
It’s often typed with multiple exclamation marks—because when someone’s confidence is shaky, they try to soften every sentence like it’s wrapped in bubble wrap.
What they’re really saying is, “Please don’t feel burdened by me.” But here’s the truth: people who care about you want to hear from you. You don’t have to apologize for reaching out.
6. “I don’t want to be a bother, but…”
They say it before asking for help. Before clarifying something. Before expressing a perfectly reasonable concern.
And every time they do, it reveals a belief that their needs are an inconvenience. Self-assured people understand that asking for help doesn’t make you a bother.
It makes you part of a community. Of a relationship. Of something mutual.
7. “You probably have way more important things going on…”
This one stings because it’s so heartbreaking. The person saying it is already assuming they’re low on your priority list.
They’re trying to give you an excuse not to care—because deep down, they expect to be let down. Low self-esteem often whispers: “Don’t expect too much. That way, it won’t hurt.”
But the truth is, no one wins when you downplay your own importance.
8. “If you want me to leave, just say so.”
This usually gets said as a joke. But it’s never just a joke. It’s a quiet way of checking: “Am I still wanted here?” “Are you annoyed with me?”
And unfortunately, when this phrase becomes a pattern, it can exhaust the very relationships the person is trying to protect.
People with strong self-worth don’t need constant proof they’re welcome. They believe it until told otherwise.
9. “Whatever you want—I don’t really care.”
Now, don’t get me wrong—flexibility is a strength. But when someone never expresses a preference—where to eat, what movie to watch, what time to meet—it often comes from a fear of choosing wrong.
Or worse: a belief that their opinion doesn’t matter anyway. Low self-esteem whispers, “Don’t rock the boat. Don’t stand out. Don’t take the lead.”
But the healthiest relationships are built on people who both have a voice.
10. “I’m just being stupid, ignore me.”
This one always gets to me. Because it usually shows up when someone opens up, gets vulnerable, then panics halfway through.
It’s the emotional equivalent of slamming the door on your own feelings. People with low self-esteem often feel ashamed just for needing comfort. But those who care about you don’t think your pain is “stupid.”
They just want the door to stay open long enough to help.
One conversation I’ll never forget
A while back, I had lunch with a friend I hadn’t seen in years. Midway through the meal, he stopped himself while explaining something he was going through.
Then he said, “Ah, I’m rambling. You don’t need to hear all this.” I looked him in the eye and said, “I’m still listening. So keep going.” He blinked. Got quiet. Then said, “You’re the first person in a long time who hasn’t brushed me off.” That moment stuck with me.
Because so many people walk around with this quiet desperation—not to be praised, but just to be received. To not feel like too much. Or too little. And sometimes, the phrases we toss out like filler? They say more than we think.
Final thought
Low self-esteem doesn’t always shout. Sometimes it shows up in the way we ask questions.
In the disclaimers we tack onto our sentences. In the way we apologize for existing—just a little too often. But here’s the good news: awareness is where it starts.
If you find yourself using these phrases, take a breath before you type them. Before you say them.
And remind yourself: you don’t need to shrink for anyone. You’re allowed to take up space in this world—without asking for permission first.
