Now, I say this with love—because I’m a boomer myself.
I’ve got the gray hair, the drawer full of loose batteries, and a deep respect for a good landline phone. But I’ve also lived long enough to notice when something I do, say, or assume doesn’t land quite the way I meant it to.
The truth is, a lot of us boomers grew up with different norms—socially, professionally, emotionally. What used to sound like wisdom now sometimes comes across as tone-deaf. What we think is helpful might feel a little patronizing to the people hearing it.
Most of the time, it’s not mean-spirited. It’s habit. It’s unexamined. But if we want to stay connected to younger folks—whether they’re our kids, grandkids, neighbors, or coworkers—we’ve got to be willing to see how our words and actions land.
Here are a few things boomers are still doing that can come off as condescending in today’s world—even if we don’t mean them that way.
1. Saying “back in my day…”
We all do it. Something changes—technology, work culture, dating—and we instinctively compare it to how things used to be.
But when every observation starts with “back in my day,” it can make younger people feel like we’re discrediting their reality.
I once said to my granddaughter, “Back in my day, we didn’t need phones to entertain us.” She looked at me and said, “Back in your day, the phones didn’t do anything.”
Touché.
There’s nothing wrong with reminiscing. But lead with curiosity, not comparison.
2. Assuming younger people don’t work as hard
This is one of the most common—and quietly damaging—assumptions boomers make.
We see someone working from home in sweatpants, or choosing not to answer emails after 6 p.m., and we label it lazy or entitled.
But the reality is, work has changed. Boundaries have changed. The culture has shifted.
And most younger folks aren’t looking to avoid hard work—they’re looking to avoid burnout. There’s a difference.
3. Offering advice that wasn’t asked for
Boomers love to be helpful. We’ve seen some things. We’ve learned the hard way. And we want to pass that on.
But unsolicited advice—especially when it starts with “You know what you should do…”—can come across as dismissive.
I remember once telling a younger friend how she should handle a disagreement at work. She nodded politely, but later she said, “I didn’t need a fix—I just needed someone to listen.”
That one stuck with me.
4. Using outdated language and calling it “just how we talk”
Language evolves. And yes, it can be hard to keep up.
But insisting on using phrases that are now considered insensitive—and brushing off criticism with “I didn’t mean it that way” or “People are too sensitive”—doesn’t help us connect.
I’ve had to unlearn a few expressions myself. It’s not about being politically correct. It’s about being respectful. And choosing words that make people feel seen—not labeled.
5. Mocking new trends or technology
“TikTok? Sounds like a waste of time.”
“Crypto? That’s a scam.”
“Why would anyone want to be an influencer?”
We don’t have to love everything new. But rolling our eyes at what younger people care about doesn’t make us wise—it makes us dismissive.
Instead of mocking, try asking. “What do you like about it?” “What does that app do?” You’d be surprised how often people light up when you show real interest.
6. Expecting respect without offering it back
Boomers were raised to respect authority, titles, and age. We were taught to say “sir” and “ma’am” and not to question people older than us.
But younger generations tend to see respect as mutual—not automatic.
If we walk into a conversation expecting respect just because we’ve been around longer—but don’t listen or take others seriously in return—that’s when we lose people.
Respect that flows both ways builds bridges. Expecting it without earning it? Not so much.
7. Making jokes at the expense of younger people
I once made a crack at a family dinner about “kids today not being able to read an analog clock.” Got a few laughs—but not from my grandson.
Later, he said, “It feels like you’re always making fun of us.”
That was a gut-punch.
Jokes are fun. Humor connects us. But when it’s always aimed downward—at younger folks, newer ways of doing things—it creates distance instead of connection.
Self-deprecating humor? Usually welcome. Generational digs? Not so much.
8. Assuming everyone should want what we wanted
Marriage. Kids. A 9-to-5 job. A house in the suburbs.
Those used to be the blueprint. And they still work for a lot of people.
But many younger folks are writing different stories now. Choosing different priorities. And when we say things like, “You’ll change your mind” or “You’ll settle down eventually,” it can come across as condescending.
Their choices aren’t a rejection of ours. They’re just… different.
9. Making people feel guilty for using technology
Yes, we used to call each other more. Yes, kids stare at screens a lot. But younger generations have grown up with this stuff. It’s not a distraction for them—it’s a tool, a language, a way of life.
Telling someone to “get off their phone” without understanding why they’re on it can come off as judgmental.
Try asking what they’re doing. They might be editing a video, helping a friend, or learning something new. You never know.
10. Acting like we’ve figured everything out
This might be the quietest way we condescend—and the most damaging.
When we act like we’ve got life all sorted out, like our way is the only right way, like our generation “did it better,” we shut down conversation.
Truth is, we’re all still figuring things out. And some of the smartest people I know are 30 years younger than me.
The moment we stop learning from others—especially younger folks—is the moment we start becoming truly out of touch.
A final thought
Being a boomer isn’t a punchline. It’s a privilege. We’ve lived, we’ve seen, we’ve survived. But if we want to stay relevant—connected, respected, listened to—we’ve got to stay humble.
That means letting go of the need to be right. Staying open. Asking more questions than we answer.
Because when it comes down to it, being wise isn’t about knowing everything.
It’s about knowing when to listen.
