Life has a way of teaching us lessons, some that we learn early on and others that we sadly grasp a little too late. For women, there are certain universal truths that seem to catch us off guard, no matter how wise or savvy we are.
This isn’t about pointing fingers or laying blame. It’s about understanding patterns and behaviors, backed by psychology, that could save us a lot of heartache if we just recognised them sooner.
So, let’s dive into five valuable lessons that, according to my research, 90% of women learn a bit too late in life. My hope is that by sharing them, we can help each other navigate life’s twists and turns with a little more grace and a lot less regret.
1) Self-care is not selfish
Life is filled with demands, and for many women, it can feel like we’re always juggling multiple responsibilities. Between work, family, and social obligations, it’s easy to put ourselves at the bottom of our own priority list.
This is where the importance of self-care comes in.
Contrary to what many of us may believe, self-care isn’t selfish. It’s not about indulging or being lazy. It’s about taking care of our physical, emotional, and mental health so that we can show up as our best selves in every area of our lives.
Psychologist Carl Rogers once said, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” This speaks to the heart of self-care. It’s about acceptance and understanding that we deserve to take care of ourselves just as much as anyone else.
Sadly, many women learn this lesson a bit too late in life. We burn out, become stressed or ill before realizing that we should have been taking better care of ourselves all along.
So remember, self-care isn’t a luxury. It’s a necessity.
2) Perfection is overrated
I remember a time when I was obsessed with doing everything perfectly. Whether it was work, relationships, or even hobbies, I believed that anything less than perfection was unacceptable.
This mindset took a toll on my physical and mental health and left me feeling perpetually inadequate.
This is a trap that many women fall into. We live in a society that often values the appearance of perfection over authenticity. But as we grow older, we realize that striving for perfection is not only unrealistic but also unnecessary.
Famous psychologist Carl Jung said, “The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely.” It took me years to understand those words fully. I’ve realized that it’s okay to be imperfect and make mistakes – it’s part of being human.
Embracing this lesson has brought me a sense of peace and freed me from the shackles of perfectionism. It’s a lesson I wish I’d learned earlier, and one I hope other women will grasp sooner rather than later.
3) It’s okay to say no
Have you ever found yourself agreeing to do something you didn’t want to, just to avoid upsetting someone or feeling guilty? I have, and I know I’m not alone.
Many women feel an inherent need to please others, often at the expense of their own happiness or wellbeing. We fear the consequences of saying no, so we stretch ourselves thin, juggling a myriad of tasks and commitments, and in the process, we lose sight of our own needs.
Saying yes when we want to say no sends a message that our time and energy are freely available, even when they’re not.
The truth is, it’s okay to say no. It’s okay to set boundaries and prioritize your own needs. This is a tough lesson to learn, and one that many women come to terms with later in life.
Let’s change that narrative and give ourselves the permission to say no without feeling guilty. Because at the end of the day, we have a responsibility to ourselves first.
4) Success is subjective
The idea of success is often portrayed as a linear path with financial wealth, high status jobs, and material possessions as the pinnacle.
Many women, including myself, have fallen into the trap of chasing this conventional idea of success, only to realise that it doesn’t necessarily equate to happiness or fulfilment.
A study conducted by the American Psychological Association found that people who prioritized time over money reported greater happiness. This goes against the grain of what many of us consider to be ‘successful’.
In reality, success is subjective. It’s not about how much money you make or the title you hold. It’s about living a life that aligns with your values and passions.
It’s about having time to spend with loved ones, pursuing hobbies, or simply enjoying a peaceful moment.
This is a lesson many women learn later in life after years of chasing a prescribed idea of success. It’s important to remember that your definition of success doesn’t have to match anyone else’s. Success, just like happiness, is personal and unique to each individual.
5) Comparisons are counterproductive
In the age of social media, it’s easy to compare our lives with others. I remember scrolling through my feed, seeing posts of picture-perfect lives and feeling like I was falling behind.
But over time, I’ve learned that comparisons are not only unhelpful, but they’re also counterproductive.
Renowned psychologist Albert Ellis once said, “The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny.”
This quote resonated with me because it helped me understand that comparison is a trap that distracts us from focusing on our own journey. Everyone’s path is unique, filled with different experiences and life lessons.
It’s a hard lesson to grasp, especially as women when we’re often pitted against each other in societal norms. But the sooner we learn to focus on our own growth and stop comparing ourselves to others, the happier and more fulfilled we’ll be.
Final thoughts
Life is full of lessons, some clear and others more subtle. The journey of self-discovery and growth is ongoing, with experiences continuously shaping us into who we are.
The lessons we’ve discussed today are just a fraction of the wisdom that life offers. And while it’s true that many women learn these truths a little too late, it’s never actually too late to embrace these lessons.
Whether it’s understanding that self-care isn’t selfish, accepting the imperfections in life, learning to say no, defining our own success, avoiding comparisons, valuing vulnerability, or realizing that happiness comes from within, each lesson contributes to a richer, more fulfilling life.
As we move forward, let’s remember to be kind to ourselves, to learn from our experiences and to share our wisdom with others. After all, life isn’t about getting everything right; it’s about learning and growing along the way.
