I’ll start this one by saying that I’m not here to bash anyone or claim that all men struggle with these areas. But the reality is that many of us—myself included at times—have room for improvement when it comes to understanding and responding to emotions, both our own and others’.
Emotional intelligence isn’t just some buzzword thrown around in self-help circles. It’s the ability to recognize, understand, and manage emotions effectively. And empathy? That’s our capacity to truly understand and share the feelings of another person.
When these skills are lacking, relationships suffer. Communication breaks down. And frankly, life becomes a lot more difficult for everyone involved.
So, how can you spot when someone is struggling in these areas? Here are six telltale signs that suggest a man might be lacking in empathy and emotional intelligence.
1. He dominates conversations instead of listening
Here’s something that took me way too long to learn: the most emotionally intelligent people in the room are often the ones talking the least.
There’s an old saying that goes, “We have two ears and one mouth, so we should listen twice as much as we speak,” (attributed to the ancient philosopher Epictetus). Pretty solid advice, right?
But here’s what I’ve noticed: guys who lack emotional intelligence tend to do the exact opposite. They dominate conversations, interrupt frequently, and seem more interested in waiting for their turn to talk than actually hearing what others are saying.
I remember a colleague who would literally finish people’s sentences for them. Not because he was being helpful, but because he was so focused on his own thoughts that he couldn’t be bothered to let others complete theirs. Every conversation became about him, his experiences, his opinions.
Real listening requires emotional intelligence. It means picking up on not just the words being said, but the emotions behind them. It means asking follow-up questions, showing genuine interest, and creating space for others to express themselves fully.
When someone consistently fails to do this, it’s a clear sign they’re struggling with empathy and emotional awareness.
2. He constantly complains without considering the impact
We all need to vent sometimes. Life can be tough, and having a good complaint session with friends can actually be therapeutic.
But there’s a difference between occasional venting and chronic complaining—and emotionally intelligent people know the difference.
Legendary author, Dale Carnegie put it perfectly: “Any fool can criticize, complain, and condemn—and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving”. Harsh? Maybe. But accurate.
Men lacking in EQ often become chronic complainers. They complain about their job, their relationships, the weather, the traffic—basically everything. What they don’t realize is how draining this becomes for everyone around them.
Emotionally intelligent people, on the other hand, understand that constant complaining not only doesn’t solve problems—it creates new ones. It brings down the mood of everyone around them and makes people want to avoid their company.
3. He seems disconnected
Here’s something interesting: research from the University of Arizona found that “Those who struggle in social situations experience more stress and loneliness, which can take a toll on the body” .
This creates a bit of a vicious cycle. Men who lack emotional intelligence often struggle to read social cues, which makes social situations stressful for them. This stress then makes them even less likely to engage meaningfully with others.
You might notice this guy at parties standing awkwardly in the corner, not because he’s shy, but because he genuinely doesn’t know how to navigate social dynamics. He might make inappropriate comments, miss obvious social cues, or seem completely oblivious to the mood of the room.
I’ve watched men interrupt serious conversations with inappropriate jokes, or completely miss when someone was clearly upset and needed support rather than solutions.
Social intelligence is a huge part of emotional intelligence. It’s about reading the room, understanding group dynamics, and knowing when to speak up and when to stay quiet. When someone consistently struggles with this, it’s often a sign of deeper issues with empathy and emotional awareness.
4. He’s always on his phone, even during important conversations
Let’s talk about something that’s become way too common: phubbing. That’s “phone snubbing”—basically ignoring someone in favor of your phone.
According to Healthline, nearly 32% of people are phubbed two to three times a day . That’s pretty alarming when you think about it but I’d well believe it.
I’ve seen guys who can’t put their phone down during dinner with their partner, or who scroll through social media while their friend is trying to share something important. They might think they’re multitasking, but what they’re really doing is showing a complete lack of empathy for the person in front of them.
It’s not just rude—it’s emotionally tone-deaf. It shows an inability to recognize how their behavior affects others, which is a fundamental aspect of emotional intelligence.
5. He turns every disagreement into a competition he must win
This is a big one, and it’s something I’ve definitely been guilty of in the past.
Dale Carnegie had some wisdom about this too: “You can’t win an argument. You can’t because if you lose it, you lose it; and if you win it, you lose it”. At first, that might sound like a riddle, but it’s actually pretty profound.
These men often turn every disagreement into a battle they must win. They can’t just discuss different viewpoints—they have to prove the other person wrong. They interrupt, they raise their voices, they bring up past grievances, and they refuse to consider that they might be wrong.
What they don’t realize is that even when they “win” the argument, they lose something more important: the relationship. Nobody likes being around someone who turns every conversation into a competition.
To be honest, I used to be that guy who would argue about everything. Politics, sports, the best way to load a dishwasher—it didn’t matter. I had to be right. It took me years to realize that being right wasn’t worth damaging my relationships.
Emotionally intelligent people understand that sometimes it’s better to be kind than to be right. They can disagree without being disagreeable, and they recognize that different perspectives can coexist without one being “wrong.”
6. He dismisses or minimizes other people’s emotions
To wrap things up, here’s perhaps the most telling sign of all: the inability to validate other people’s emotions.
You know this guy. Someone shares that they’re feeling stressed about work, and he responds with, “Just don’t think about it.” A friend mentions they’re hurt by something, and he says, “You’re being too sensitive.” His partner expresses frustration, and he rolls his eyes and says, “Here we go again.”
This is emotional invalidation, and it’s the opposite of empathy. Instead of trying to understand how someone else is feeling, he dismisses their emotions as invalid, overblown, or unnecessary.
What’s particularly frustrating about this is that it often comes from a place of discomfort with emotions—both his own and others’. He might genuinely not know how to respond to someone’s feelings, so he tries to make them go away by minimizing them.
But here’s the thing: emotions don’t just disappear when we ignore them. They usually get worse. And when someone consistently dismisses your feelings, it damages trust and intimacy in the relationship.
Final words
Look, I want to be clear about something: we all have room for improvement when it comes to empathy and emotional intelligence. I’ve definitely exhibited some of these behaviors in my own life, and it’s an ongoing process of growth and self-awareness.
The goal isn’t to shame anyone or point fingers. It’s to recognize these patterns so we can work on them. Because the truth is, developing empathy and emotional intelligence doesn’t just make us better partners, friends, and colleagues—it makes our own lives richer and more fulfilling.
If you recognize some of these signs in yourself, don’t beat yourself up about it. Instead, see it as an opportunity. Start by practicing active listening. Pay attention to how your words and actions affect others. Put your phone down during conversations. Ask questions instead of trying to fix everything.
These skills can be learned, and they’re worth the effort. Because at the end of the day, our ability to connect with others and understand emotions—both our own and those of the people around us—is what makes us truly human.
