There’s a remarkable difference between choosing to be single and opting to stay in an unhappy relationship.
The difference lies in the mindset. It’s about preferring to dwell in dissatisfaction rather than facing the fear of solitude.
Psychology has identified certain traits common among those who would rather wallow in unhappiness than embrace singledom. These folks have a peculiar approach to love, life, and relationships.
In this article, I’m diving into seven distinctive traits that define this group. But remember, these insights aren’t meant to be judgemental; they’re here to help us understand different perspectives in the complex world of relationships.
So, get ready to explore the psychology behind why some people prefer staying unhappy than being single.
1) Fear of being alone
First up on the list of distinctive traits is the fear of solitude. This fear can be so overpowering that it overshadows the unhappiness they’re experiencing in their current relationship.
It’s a common psychological phenomenon – many people are terrified of being alone, even if it means staying in an unsatisfying relationship.
Many individuals who prefer to stay unhappy than be single feel that they can’t cope with being alone and having no one to share their lives with. They’re scared of the silence, the emptiness, the lack of someone to turn to.
This fear often forces them to settle for less, to remain in relationships that aren’t fulfilling or even downright unhappy. They rely on their partners for emotional support and validation, unable to find it within themselves.
However, this isn’t about judging. It’s about understanding the mindset that leads people to make such choices. After all, we are all different and what works for one may not work for another.
2) Low self-esteem
Next on the list is low self-esteem. This one, I can speak to from personal experience.
There was a time in my life when I didn’t value myself enough. I settled for less than I deserved, stayed in a relationship that was far from fulfilling, just because I thought I couldn’t do any better.
I believed that being single was a sign of failure, that nobody would ever love me. That’s what low self-esteem does to you – it convinces you that you’re unworthy of happiness and love.
It took me a long time to realize that I deserved more, that my worth wasn’t tied to being in a relationship. Once I started valuing myself, everything changed. I found the courage to leave that relationship and start valuing my happiness above all else.
Low self-esteem can make people cling onto unhappy relationships because they fear they won’t find anything better. But remember, every person is deserving of love and happiness, and it’s important to understand your worth.
3) Fear of change
How many of us are guilty of sticking to the familiar even when it’s not in our best interest? I’ll wager more than a few hands went up.
Change can be terrifying. It’s stepping into the unknown, leaving behind what’s comfortable and familiar. And this fear can often manifest in relationships, making people hold on to something, even if it’s making them unhappy.
Famous psychologist, Leo Buscaglia, once said, “Change is the end result of all true learning.”
But change, especially in relationships, is often easier said than done. The thought of starting over, of being single again, can seem like a mountain too high to climb. So we stay put, clinging on to the familiar unhappiness because it feels safer.
Yet, it’s only when we embrace change that real growth happens. It might be scary, but sometimes letting go is the first step towards finding genuine happiness.
And isn’t that what we’re all searching for?
4) Dependence on external validation
Another trait that often keeps people in unhappy relationships is the dependence on external validation. It’s the need for others to affirm our worth, our decisions, our very existence.
In a study, researchers found that individuals who rely heavily on external validation often struggle with self-esteem and are more likely to stay in unhappy relationships.
They found that these individuals often feel that being in a relationship, even an unhappy one, validates their worth. It’s as if being single would mean they’re unlovable or inadequate.
This dependence on external validation can trap people in a cycle of unhappiness. They stay because they fear that leaving would mean losing their sense of self-worth.
But true validation comes from within. It’s about knowing your worth, irrespective of your relationship status. And it’s this realization that can help people break free from the chains of an unhappy relationship.
5) The illusion of sunk cost
Ever found yourself unable to let go of a relationship because you’ve invested so much time, energy, and emotion into it? That’s what psychologists call the “sunk cost fallacy.”
This psychological trap makes people believe that they should stick with something, simply because they’ve put a lot into it – even if it’s clearly not working out. It’s like staying in a movie you hate just because you paid for the ticket.
I remember having a conversation with a friend who was stuck in an unfulfilling relationship. She said, “I’ve given him five years of my life. I can’t just throw it away.”
In other words, we shouldn’t let past investments dictate our future choices. It’s important to assess the situation objectively and decide whether it’s really worth staying or if it’s time to move on.
6) Misunderstanding of love
Now, this one might seem counterintuitive. After all, isn’t love the reason we get into relationships in the first place?
But here’s the thing – not all love is healthy or beneficial. Sometimes, our understanding of love can be skewed, leading us to accept less than we deserve.
Psychologist Erich Fromm famously said, “Immature love says: ‘I love you because I need you.’ Mature love says: ‘I need you because I love you.’”
Therein lies the difference. People often mistake neediness and dependency for love. They believe that they can’t live without their partners, even if they’re unhappy with them.
True love, however, is not just about needing someone. It’s about wanting them in your life because they make it better. It’s about mutual respect, understanding, and happiness.
So, it’s crucial to understand what real love is and to not settle for anything less.
7) Lack of self-love
Lastly, lacking self-love often keeps people tethered to unhappy relationships. People may feel unworthy of love and happiness, leading them to accept less than they deserve.
As psychologist and Holocaust survivor, Dr. Viktor Frankl, once said, “Love is the only way to grasp another human being in the innermost core of his personality.”
Loving oneself is part of this. It’s only when we truly love and value ourselves that we can understand our worth and stop settling for less in our relationships.
Remember, everyone deserves a relationship that brings joy and satisfaction, not one that perpetuates unhappiness.
Final reflections
The complexities of human relationships and the choices we make are deeply entwined with our psychological makeup.
Choosing to stay in an unhappy relationship rather than embracing singlehood is not a decision taken lightly. It’s often driven by deep-seated fears, misconceptions, and insecurities.
Understanding these traits is not about passing judgment, but about gaining insight into the human psyche. It’s about understanding that every individual has their unique perspective on love, life, and happiness.
As we navigate the labyrinth of relationships, it’s crucial to remember that everyone deserves love and happiness. And sometimes, finding that might mean letting go of what’s familiar and stepping into the unknown.
So as we part, take a moment to reflect on your understanding of love and happiness. And remember, it’s never too late to choose happiness over unhappiness.
