Joy rarely vanishes overnight. More often it seeps away, drop by drop, until a woman who once felt vibrant notices she is moving through the day on autopilot.
Psychologists describe this slow fade as “subthreshold depression” or “smiling depression”—states in which the classic symptoms of major depressive disorder are blurred by everyday functioning and a practiced smile.
The habits below are not moral failings or personality flaws; they are coping patterns that research links to dwindling well-being.
Recognizing them is the first step toward reclaiming a sense of meaning, connection and pleasure.
1. She pulls back from people who care about her
One of the earliest behavioural shifts is quiet social withdrawal—fewer returned messages, more polite refusals of invitations, and a preference for solitude even when she feels lonely.
Studies show that social withdrawal both predicts and amplifies depressive states, particularly in women, because isolation deprives the brain of the oxytocin-boosting interactions that buffer stress and sustain self-worth.
Why it matters: Human connection is a biological need. When that need is unmet, the stress-response system stays switched on, leading to fatigue, irritability and deeper withdrawal—a vicious cycle that can go unnoticed by colleagues and acquaintances who assume she is merely “busy.”
2. She abandons activities that once lit her up
Psychologists call the loss of interest in previously enjoyed pursuits anhedonia. It shows up when she no longer feels like playing the guitar, gardening, or meeting her book-club friends—activities that once made bad days bearable.
Neurobiological research links anhedonia to dampened dopamine signalling in the brain’s reward pathways, making pleasurable experiences feel flat or effortful.
Why it matters: Pleasure isn’t a luxury; it is a neurological feedback loop that motivates healthy behaviour. When that loop is muted, the absence of positive emotion removes a critical counter-weight to stress and sadness.
3. She retreats into passive screen time
Instead of actively pursuing hobbies, she may default to scrolling social media, binge-watching series or playing repetitive phone games late into the night.
Large-scale surveys link high daily screen-time to increased internalising problems, including anxiety and depressive symptoms, in adult women.
Passive digital consumption can feel soothing in the short term, yet it rarely provides the mastery, novelty and real connection that replenish mood.
Why it matters: Screen-based “numbing” behaviours often replace the very routines—exercise, sleep, face-to-face conversation—that bolster mental health, subtly deepening the joy-deficit.
4. She lets self-care routines slide
Nutrition becomes irregular, workouts disappear, and bedtime drifts later.
Recent public-health studies on older adults show a clear association between self-neglect (poor hygiene, skipped meals, medical non-adherence) and elevated depression scores.
While the chicken-or-egg debate continues, clinicians agree that physical neglect and mood erosion reinforce each other.
Why it matters: Basic self-maintenance—movement, micronutrients, sunlight—drives hormonal and circadian rhythms that keep energy, immunity and motivation stable. When these keystones crumble, vitality—and joy—follows.
5. She gets stuck in loops of self-critical rumination
Rumination is the mental habit of replaying the same worries or perceived failures without taking action.
A landmark meta-analysis found that adult women ruminate significantly more than men, helping to explain gender gaps in depression prevalence.
Over-thinking hijacks attentional resources, making it harder to savour positive moments or problem-solve creatively.
Why it matters: Each loop of “Why can’t I just be happy?” strengthens neural pathways of self-blame, crowding out the cognitive bandwidth needed for curiosity, humour and spontaneous delight.
6. She stops dreaming about the future
Hope shrinks when goal-setting feels pointless. Research on goal fluency and depression shows that people in low-mood states generate fewer approach-oriented goals and disengage more quickly when obstacles appear.
The mind that once sketched holiday plans or career pivots now defaults to “What’s the point?”
Why it matters: Goals create anticipatory pleasure—a dopamine surge that pulls us toward tomorrow. Without that forward-leaning energy, life can feel like an endless loop of maintenance tasks devoid of narrative arc.
7. She wears a convincing mask of “I’m fine”
Popularly dubbed “smiling depression,” this habit involves over-compensating with humour, care-giving and outward competence while concealing inner numbness.
Mental-health writers and clinicians warn that masked depression can be particularly dangerous because support networks stay unaware until the person reaches a breaking point.
Why it matters: The energy spent curating a cheerful veneer leaves little left for authentic connection or self-reflection, perpetuating loneliness and shame.
Re-opening the door to joy
If you recognise several of these habits in yourself—or in a sister, friend, or colleague—take heart: habits are learned, and they can be unlearned.
Evidence-based therapies such as behavioural activation gently reintroduce rewarding activities, while cognitive-behavioural strategies target rumination and hopeless thinking.
Even small shifts—ten minutes of daylight walking, replying “yes” to one social invitation, naming a single goal for next week—re-ignite the brain’s reward circuitry. Professional help is crucial when withdrawal, anhedonia or suicidal thoughts persist longer than two weeks.
Joy does not always return as a fireworks display. Sometimes it arrives as the quiet relief of laughing at a joke that would have fallen flat last month, or noticing the taste of morning coffee again.
Those tiny embers, fanned consistently, become a sustainable warmth. You deserve that warmth, and with compassionate support—both internal and external—you can reclaim it.
