We’ve all heard the saying, “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.” But what if I told you that’s not entirely true?
Words can indeed leave a deep impact, especially when associated with unhealed trauma. They have a way of surfacing in our everyday conversations, often without us even realizing it.
Psychology has long studied the relationship between language and trauma. Experts suggest that the words we choose and the phrases we regularly use can actually reveal a lot about our hidden emotional wounds.
In this article, we’re going to explore seven phrases people with unhealed trauma use in their daily lives, according to psychology. And no, we’re not talking about obvious expressions of pain or distress.
These are subtle, often overlooked phrases that might be signaling something much deeper.
1) “I’m fine.”
Sounds innocuous, right?
“I’m fine” is perhaps one of the most common phrases we use in our daily lives. But have you ever wondered why some people tend to use it a little too often?
Individuals with unhealed trauma can hide behind this simple phrase as a defense mechanism. It’s a way of avoiding a deeper conversation about their feelings or experiences.
Keep in mind, though, not everyone who says “I’m fine” is harboring unhealed trauma. After all, it’s a pretty standard response when someone asks how we’re doing.
But if you notice someone consistently using this phrase, especially when their behavior suggests otherwise, it might be a sign they’re wrestling with something beneath the surface.
Understanding this can help us be more patient and empathetic, creating a safe space for open conversation when they’re ready to talk. Because sometimes, “I’m fine” is really a silent plea for help.
2) “It’s not a big deal.”
This phrase hit home for me.
A few years back, I had a friend who would always brush off her problems with a swift, “It’s not a big deal.”
At first, I admired her ability to stay cool under pressure. But over time, I realized that this phrase was her go-to response for anything unpleasant or upsetting.
Whether it was a disagreement with her boss or a fallout with a close friend, she would quickly dismiss it as “not a big deal.” I began to sense that this was her way of avoiding the pain or discomfort associated with these situations.
Later, I learned that she had been carrying around some unhealed trauma from her past. Her phrase of choice was not so much about resilience but more about denial and avoidance.
Recognizing this pattern in my friend’s language helped me to better support her through her healing journey. It’s a valuable reminder for all of us to listen attentively and look beyond the surface of what people are truly saying.
3) “I’m sorry.”
Now, don’t get me wrong. Apologizing when you’ve done something wrong is a sign of emotional maturity and respect for others.
But what about when someone constantly apologizes for things that aren’t even their fault? Or when they say sorry for simply existing or expressing their feelings?
This was the case with my cousin, a warm and caring person who would always go out of his way to help others. But he had this habit of saying “I’m sorry” all the time. He would apologize for the smallest things, like asking a simple question or even just for speaking up.
It took me a while to realize that this constant apologizing was his way of dealing with unhealed trauma. He had been made to feel like a burden in his formative years, and he carried this feeling into adulthood, believing he needed to apologize for taking up space or asserting his needs.
Understanding this can change the way we interact with people who have a pattern of over-apologizing. Instead of getting irritated or dismissing them, we can show empathy and encourage them to express themselves without guilt or fear.
Because no one should have to apologize for being who they are.
4) “I don’t remember.”
Memory is a fascinating thing, isn’t it? It’s like our personal time machine, letting us travel back and relive moments from our past. But what happens when that time machine seems to have gaps?
“I don’t remember” is a phrase that might indicate unhealed trauma. Sure, we all forget things from time to time. But consistent gaps in memory, especially regarding personal history or experiences, can be a sign of something deeper.
Psychologists suggest that trauma can lead to repressed memories or dissociation, where the person disconnects from certain experiences to protect themselves from the emotional pain associated with them.
So when someone frequently says they don’t remember, particularly about their past or certain events, they could be unconsciously shielding themselves from their unhealed wounds.
Remembering this when we hear “I don’t remember” can help us respond with patience and kindness, giving our friends or loved ones the space they need and the support they might not know how to ask for.
5) “I can handle it.”
We all love a bit of independence, don’t we? Being able to handle things on our own gives us a sense of control and accomplishment. But when does this self-reliance become a mask for hidden trauma?
According to psychology, people with unhealed trauma often overemphasize their independence, using phrases like “I can handle it” even when they’re overwhelmed. It’s a way of regaining control in a world that once made them feel helpless.
Interestingly, a study published in the Journal of Traumatic Stress found that trauma survivors often display high levels of self-reliance, which can sometimes prevent them from seeking help and further delay their healing process.
Next time you hear someone insist they can handle everything on their own, remember that it might be their way of coping with past traumas.
Instead of admiring their strength and moving on, perhaps we can stick around, offer our support, and let them know it’s okay to ask for help. After all, we’re humans, and we’re wired for connection.
6) “It’s my fault.”
Blame is a heavy burden to carry.
When I hear someone repeatedly say, “It’s my fault,” my heart aches a little. Because more often than not, it’s a sign they’re shouldering blame for things beyond their control.
Psychology tells us that individuals with unhealed trauma often internalize the blame for the painful experiences they’ve been through. It’s a way of making sense of the senseless, even if it means hurting themselves in the process.
Whenever you encounter someone who habitually takes the blame, remember that they might be dealing with hidden wounds. Instead of agreeing or dismissing their self-blame, perhaps we can gently remind them that everyone makes mistakes and that it’s okay to let go of self-criticism.
Because no one deserves to be trapped in a cycle of self-blame. We all deserve forgiveness, especially from ourselves.
7) “I’m always tired.”
Ever noticed how emotional exhaustion can feel like physical fatigue?
“I’m always tired” is a phrase that may indicate more than just a lack of sleep. According to psychologists, unhealed trauma can lead to chronic emotional exhaustion, which often manifests as constant tiredness.
This isn’t just about feeling sleepy all the time. It’s a profound fatigue that seeps into every aspect of life, making everything seem like an uphill battle.
So, if someone you know often complains about always being tired, they might be bearing the weight of unhealed trauma.
Offering a listening ear or a word of understanding can go a long way in easing their burden. Because sometimes, the bravest thing we can do is acknowledge our pain and allow ourselves to rest.
Wrapping it up
If you’ve recognized some of these phrases in your own language, it’s possible you’re dealing with unhealed trauma.
But remember this – acknowledging your pain is the first step towards healing. It takes courage to face our wounds, and if you’ve come this far, you’re already on the path to recovery.
Start by listening to your own words. Pay attention to the phrases you use frequently. Each time you catch yourself using one of these phrases, pause for a moment. Ask yourself – what am I really trying to say?
It’s not about self-criticism or blame. Rather, it’s about fostering self-awareness and compassion. It’s about giving yourself permission to feel, to heal, and to grow.
Change won’t happen overnight – and that’s okay. Healing takes time. It’s a journey filled with small steps and big leaps, setbacks and breakthroughs.
You’re not alone in this journey. Seek help when you need it, whether it’s professional support from a therapist or a heart-to-heart conversation with a trusted friend.
In the immortal words of Carl Jung, “I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.” So choose compassion. Choose understanding. Choose healing.
You’re stronger than your past, braver than your fears, and smarter than your challenges. In the end, it’s not just about surviving trauma – it’s about transforming it into a journey of self-discovery and growth.
So keep going. Keep growing. And most importantly, keep believing in yourself – because you are capable of so much more than you think.
