7 things narcissists say that seem harmless but are actually deeply manipulative

Narcissism is a tricky beast. It hides behind everyday phrases, making its presence known only after it’s done some damage.

At first glance, a narcissist’s words seem harmless, even kind – but look a little closer and you’ll see the manipulation lurking beneath the surface.

In this article, I’ll unveil seven phrases narcissists often use that might seem innocuous but are actually deeply manipulative. These phrases are their secret weapons, designed to control and influence you without your knowledge.

As someone who’s spent years diving into the intricacies of language and communication, I can assure you that understanding these phrases will give you a new perspective on your interactions with others.

Let’s unravel the subtle art of narcissistic manipulation together.

1) “You’re too sensitive”

Narcissists have an uncanny ability to make you question your own feelings. One of their favourite phrases is “You’re too sensitive”.

Seemingly harmless, right? But when a narcissist says this, what they’re really doing is subtly undermining your emotions.

They’re suggesting that your reaction to their behavior is not valid or reasonable, which can lead to self-doubt.

This phrase is a form of gaslighting, a manipulative tactic where someone tries to make you question your own reality. It’s a narcissist’s way of avoiding responsibility for their actions and keeping control in the relationship.

Remember, it’s natural to feel hurt or upset when someone mistreats you. If someone dismisses your feelings as being ‘too sensitive’, it might be time to reconsider whether that person has your best interests at heart.

Understanding these manipulative phrases can help you navigate difficult interactions and ensure you’re not being unfairly influenced by a narcissist’s words. So, keep this red flag in mind during your conversations.

2) “I was just joking”

Another phrase narcissists love to use is “I was just joking.”

I remember a time when I was in a meeting with a colleague who had a knack for making cutting remarks. When I confronted him about his hurtful words, his immediate response was, “I was just joking. Can’t you take a joke?”

What seemed like a harmless phrase was actually a manipulative tactic. By labeling his hurtful comments as jokes, he was able to deflect blame and make me feel like I was the one overreacting.

This is a classic narcissistic strategy – using humor as a disguise for their harsh words and then playing the victim when someone calls them out on it.

When you hear “I was just joking,” be aware that it might be a sign of manipulation, and remember that it’s okay to stand up for yourself when someone’s jokes cross the line.

3) “I don’t remember that”

Narcissists have a tendency to use the phrase, “I don’t remember that.” This is a common tool in their manipulative toolkit.

When confronted about their hurtful behavior or actions, they may conveniently forget the incident.

This selective memory serves two purposes: it allows them to avoid taking responsibility for their actions while also making you question your own recollection of events.

According to a study, individuals with narcissistic tendencies are more likely to engage in this kind of manipulative behavior.

When you hear “I don’t remember that,” be cautious. It might be a sign you’re dealing with a narcissist trying to distort reality to better suit their narrative.

4) “You’re misunderstanding me”

Another phrase to be wary of is “You’re misunderstanding me.” Now, misunderstandings do happen. After all, communication can be tricky. But when a narcissist uses this phrase, it’s often a different story.

In the world of a narcissist, they’re rarely at fault. So when you take issue with something they’ve done or said, it’s not because they did anything wrong – it’s because you misunderstood them.

This is another way they deflect blame and make you question your own judgment. By insisting that you’re the one misunderstanding the situation, they can sidestep accountability and maintain control.

The next time someone tells you “You’re misunderstanding me,” take a moment to consider if this could be an attempt at manipulation rather than a genuine communication breakdown.

5) “No one else has a problem with this”

“No one else has a problem with this” is another phrase that can slip under the radar, but it’s a powerful tool in a narcissist’s arsenal.

I once had a boss who would use this phrase often. If I ever expressed concerns about workload or deadlines, his response would always be, “No one else has a problem with this.”

This was his way of invalidating my concerns and making me feel like I was the only one struggling. It was isolating and it made me question my own abilities.

This is precisely what narcissists aim for. By suggesting that you’re the only one with an issue, they can diminish your feelings and make you feel like you’re overreacting or incompetent.

If you ever hear “No one else has a problem with this,” know that it might be a manipulative tactic aimed at undermining your confidence and trust in your own judgment.

6) “I never said that”

When dealing with narcissists, you might often hear the phrase “I never said that.” This is another form of gaslighting. They deny saying something that hurt or upset you, even when you’re sure they did.

This tactic is designed to make you question your memory and perception. By creating doubt, they can paint their own reality where they are not at fault.

This denial can be quite damaging, especially if it’s a consistent behavior. It can lead to self-doubt and a loss of trust in your own memory and perception.

When someone repeatedly insists “I never said that,” it might be time to step back and consider whether this is an attempt to manipulate your perception of reality.

Trust in your memory and don’t let anyone make you second guess yourself.

7) “If you really loved me”

The phrase “If you really loved me” is perhaps one of the most manipulative tools in a narcissist’s playbook.

This phrase is a form of emotional blackmail. It’s designed to guilt you into doing something by questioning your love or loyalty. It’s a way to control your actions and decisions by playing on your emotions.

If someone uses your feelings for them as a bargaining chip, it’s a red flag. Love should never be used to manipulate or control.

It’s important to set boundaries and remember that real love respects individuality and freedom of choice.

Don’t let anyone use your love against you. Stand firm in your decisions and remember that it’s okay to say no, even to those we care about.

Final thought: The power of awareness

When it comes to navigating the world of narcissistic manipulation, knowledge is power. Awareness of these seemingly harmless phrases can be your first line of defense.

Understanding the hidden intent behind these phrases can help you recognize when you’re being manipulated. It equips you with the tools to question, to push back, and to protect your mental and emotional well-being.

Remember, it’s okay to stand up for yourself. It’s okay to question the words and actions of others, even if they seem harmless on the surface.

And most importantly, it’s okay to walk away from people who consistently undermine your feelings and distort your reality.

In the end, it all comes down to respect – respect for others, and respect for yourself. Don’t let anyone’s manipulative words diminish that.

Stand strong in your reality, trust in your own perceptions, and remember – you’re not alone in this.