I once had a conversation with a woman I deeply admired for her creativity and warmth.
She had big ideas. A beautiful vision for her life. But year after year, things stayed the same.
She called it “bad luck.”
But as I listened, I noticed something else.
The little things she did daily—how she spoke about herself, how she procrastinated on small tasks, how often she apologized for simply existing—painted a very different story.
Not of failure. But of friction.
Tiny, quiet habits pulling her back every time she tried to move forward.
And the truth is, I think many of us carry habits like these without even realizing the weight they hold.
Here are some of the ones I see most often.
1. Shrinking their language
You can spot this one instantly.
Phrases like:
- “I’m probably wrong, but…”
- “This is silly, but…”
- “Sorry if this sounds weird…”
Instead of owning their words, women who struggle to build momentum often soften or minimize them.
This habit—though it sounds polite—erodes confidence over time.
When you constantly preface or downplay, people stop hearing your ideas and start absorbing your self-doubt.
And more importantly, you absorb it too.
2. Waiting for motivation before taking action
A lot of women I speak with say they’re “waiting to feel ready.”
But readiness isn’t a feeling.
It’s something you earn through movement.
When progress hinges on mood or motivation, momentum becomes fragile.
Successful women act their way into clarity.
They take the walk before they feel energized. Make the call even if they’re nervous. Write the page when inspiration hasn’t arrived yet.
Tiny actions—done consistently—outpace waiting every time.
3. Obsessively reworking plans instead of starting
I used to do this myself.
Before launching anything—a workshop, a blog post, even a dinner plan—I’d redraw the blueprint a dozen times.
It felt like I was being productive.
But really, I was postponing the discomfort of doing.
Women who stall often fall into the trap of perfection-by-planning.
They tinker. They outline. They stay in prep mode.
But growth lives in motion—not in endlessly tweaking the plan.
4. Letting comparison steal their energy
Scrolling through someone else’s perfectly curated life can knock the wind out of you before your day even starts.
And yet it’s so easy to do.
Instead of checking in with their own goals, women who stay stuck often check how they measure up.
It’s not always dramatic.
Sometimes it looks like abandoning a business idea because “someone’s already doing it better.”
Or holding back on posting something because “people will think it’s cringe.”
But every moment spent measuring yourself against someone else is a moment not spent building your own thing.
And that trade-off adds up quickly.
5. Saying yes out of guilt, not alignment
When I began practicing mindfulness more intentionally, I realized how often I was committing to things that drained me—simply because I didn’t want to disappoint anyone.
One week it was an extra project at work I didn’t have the bandwidth for.
The next, it was a social obligation I felt anxious about for days.
These little yeses—when given from guilt, not integrity—chip away at energy and clarity.
Women who can’t gain momentum are often overextended.
Not because they’re lazy. But because they’re rarely acting from a place of internal alignment.
I’ll never forget one specific weekend a few years ago.
A friend asked me to help organize her bridal shower—something that should have felt joyful, but I was deep in a burnout spiral at the time. I had just wrapped a major project, my sleep was erratic, and my body was giving me every signal that it needed rest.
But I said yes.
I told myself it was “just a few hours” of crafting flower arrangements and coordinating RSVPs. But it wasn’t just the task—it was the emotional weight of showing up when I had nothing left to give.
I remember standing in my kitchen, cutting ribbon for party favors late at night, and crying—not because I was angry with her, but because I had betrayed myself.
That moment changed something in me.
I realized that saying yes from fear or guilt doesn’t serve anyone.
Now, when I pause before committing to something, I ask: Am I doing this from a place of love—or from a fear of letting someone down?
That one question has helped me reclaim so much time, energy, and momentum.
6. Postponing joy until everything is “handled”
There’s a quiet belief I see in many women who struggle to feel fulfilled:
“Once I get through this next thing, then I’ll rest. Then I’ll allow pleasure. Then I’ll breathe.”
But that “next thing” never ends.
There’s always another fire to put out.
A woman who delays rest and nourishment until the list is empty often finds herself perpetually depleted.
Momentum doesn’t come from burnout.
It comes from rhythm.
From cycles of effort and renewal.
And joy isn’t a reward—it’s fuel.
7. Speaking to themselves like a critic, not a coach
Before we finish, there’s one more thing I need to address.
So many women are unaware of the constant background commentary running in their minds.
“You’re so behind.”
“You should’ve figured this out by now.”
“You always screw things up.”
That voice might sound like a motivator. But it’s not.
It’s fear wearing the mask of improvement.
In Laughing in the Face of Chaos, Rudá Iandê writes beautifully about the internal wars we carry—and how they quietly sabotage our growth far more than external circumstances ever could.
His book reminded me that when we resist ourselves, we waste energy that could be used for creation.
He writes:
“Stop fighting yourself—internal war drains energy needed for real-life challenges; wholeness comes from acceptance.”
And I’ve found that to be true in my own life.
When I began speaking to myself with the same patience I offered others, my capacity grew.
Not overnight. But steadily.
Because when your internal world becomes less hostile, your external world begins to shift with it.
Next steps
If any of these habits feel familiar, don’t panic.
This isn’t a checklist of shame.
It’s an invitation to pause.
To notice.
To ask—“What am I repeating that no longer serves me?”
And then to shift one tiny thing at a time.
Because momentum isn’t built by huge, dramatic leaps.
It’s built by small choices.
How you speak to yourself.
What you do first in the morning.
What you say yes and no to.
And most of all, whether you treat yourself as someone worth showing up for.
You are.
And it starts today.
