Have you ever walked away from a conversation feeling like the other person wasn’t really listening—like the spotlight was always on them, even when you were the one talking?
That’s the calling card of the self-centered personality.
According to psychology, self-centered individuals often lack empathy, exhibit controlling tendencies, and prioritize their own needs and image above others. But instead of outright bragging or bossing people around, they often reveal themselves through subtler language.
Here are 8 phrases that only self-centered people tend to use—and what they say about the deeper psychological traits underneath.
1. “I don’t have time for this.”
At first glance, this sounds like a harmless expression of being busy.
But when it’s used dismissively in response to someone else’s needs, problems, or emotions, it signals a lack of empathy—a hallmark trait of narcissistic and self-absorbed personalities.
According to psychologist Dr. Craig Malkin, self-centered individuals often “devalue others’ experiences” because they can’t tolerate feeling emotionally vulnerable or giving others attention. Saying “I don’t have time for this” is their way of shutting down emotional demands and preserving their own sense of control.
Translation: “My priorities matter more than yours.”
2. “That’s just how I am—deal with it.”
This phrase might sound like self-acceptance, but it’s actually a weaponized version of it.
Healthy self-acceptance involves taking responsibility for one’s actions and their impact. But when someone says “That’s just how I am,” it’s usually a way to excuse bad behavior and avoid personal growth.
Psychologist Dr. Ramani Durvasula, who specializes in narcissism, notes that this kind of language is “a manipulation tactic that absolves people of responsibility.” It’s emotional laziness dressed up as confidence.
Translation: “I won’t change for anyone—even if I hurt you.”
3. “You’re too sensitive.”
This phrase is a classic gaslighting move.
Instead of reflecting on whether their comment was hurtful, the self-centered person blames you for your reaction. They make your feelings the problem—so they don’t have to take accountability.
According to research on emotionally invalidating environments (Linehan, 1993), phrases like this can deeply undermine a person’s emotional regulation and self-worth. Over time, it teaches people to doubt their own feelings.
Translation: “I get to say what I want—but you’re not allowed to feel how you feel.”
4. “Well, what about me?”
This is the self-centered person’s favorite pivot.
You could be talking about a painful experience, a personal win, or something you’re proud of—and somehow, it becomes a story about them.
This behavior stems from egocentric bias—the psychological tendency to center one’s own experiences as the most important or relevant. It’s a common trait in narcissistic personality styles and can show up as “conversational hijacking.”
Psychologist Dr. Susan Whitbourne calls it a form of “empathy derailment,” where instead of offering support, the person redirects attention back to themselves.
Translation: “Your story is just a setup for mine.”
5. “I’m just being honest.”
Blunt honesty can be helpful—but not when it’s used as a license to be cruel.
Self-centered people often use this phrase to justify harsh, unfiltered comments, framing them as truth-telling. In reality, they often lack tact and empathy, and use “honesty” to avoid the discomfort of thoughtful communication.
As Dr. Brené Brown explains, “clarity is kind, but honesty without compassion is just cruelty.” The self-centered person doesn’t distinguish between the two.
Translation: “I care more about being right than being kind.”
6. “Why are you making this such a big deal?”
This phrase minimizes your feelings—especially if you’re upset about something they said or did.
It’s a form of deflection. Instead of engaging with your concern, the self-centered person questions your emotional validity. This serves two purposes:
- It makes you seem irrational or dramatic.
- It lets them off the hook.
According to Dr. Lindsay Gibson, author of Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, emotionally self-centered people struggle to tolerate other people’s distress, especially if it implies they’ve done something wrong.
Translation: “Your feelings inconvenience me.”
7. “I do everything around here.”
At first glance, this might seem like a cry for help or a plea for fairness. But when used repeatedly—and especially when it’s not true—it reveals a deeper dynamic: the need for control and recognition.
Self-centered individuals often inflate their own contributions while diminishing those of others. This cognitive distortion is known as self-serving bias—the belief that one’s efforts are more important, valuable, or underappreciated than they really are.
They’ll use this phrase to guilt-trip others into compliance or to portray themselves as a victim.
Translation: “I need everyone to acknowledge how much I do—whether it’s accurate or not.”
8. “I guess you just don’t appreciate me.”
This phrase often follows criticism, even mild or constructive feedback.
Rather than reflecting on whether there’s truth in what was said, the self-centered person flips the script. Now they’re the victim, and you’re the ungrateful one.
This is a form of emotional manipulation that shuts down healthy communication. It guilt-trips the other person into backtracking and offering reassurance, while the self-centered person avoids introspection.
Psychologists refer to this as a narcissistic injury response—when someone reacts defensively or dramatically to perceived slights, no matter how small.
Translation: “I can’t handle feedback—only admiration.”
Why language reveals the self-centered mind
These phrases may seem casual or even familiar, but their underlying function is consistent: they protect the ego, avoid accountability, and prioritize the self over relationships.
According to research in personality psychology, self-centered individuals often:
- Struggle with genuine empathy (Decety & Moriguchi, 2007)
- Overestimate their own importance (Campbell & Foster, 2007)
- Use language to manipulate attention and emotion (Paulhus & Williams, 2002)
In conversations, they’re often not really listening. They’re waiting to talk. And when challenged, they retreat into victimhood, defensiveness, or dismissal.
How to respond (without losing yourself)
If you recognize these phrases in someone you know—or even in yourself from time to time—you’re not alone. Self-centered language is often a defense mechanism, and we all fall into these patterns occasionally.
But when it becomes chronic, here are some mindful responses:
- To “You’re too sensitive” → “I’m allowed to feel what I feel. I’d appreciate it if you didn’t minimize that.”
- To “That’s just how I am” → “We’re all capable of growth—especially when our behavior hurts others.”
- To “Well, what about me?” → “Can we stay with my story for a bit before shifting gears?”
The goal isn’t to shame the person—but to protect your own emotional space and foster healthy communication.
Final thoughts
Self-centeredness often hides in plain sight—masked as honesty, confidence, or frustration. But when you look closer, the patterns are clear: deflection, minimization, blame-shifting, and a chronic inability to prioritize others’ emotional experiences.
If you start to notice these phrases in someone’s vocabulary, it may be a sign to tread carefully—or to have an honest conversation about how their words impact you.
And if you catch them in yourself? That’s a good sign.
Because the truly self-centered person rarely asks, “How am I showing up for others?”
But the moment you do—you’ve already taken a step beyond them.
