There’s a stark difference between what we show on the surface and what we truly feel inside.
Some people are experts at masking their pain, pushing it down and putting on a brave face. They act normal, even when they’re going through tremendous distress.
But as someone who’s been there, I can tell you that there are subtle signs that a person is battling inner demons, even when they seem perfectly fine.
In this article, I’m going to reveal eight signs that suggest someone is going through a lot of pain in life, despite appearing normal on the surface. These signs are often overlooked, but with a bit of insight and understanding, you might be able to help someone who’s silently suffering.
Let’s dive in.
1) They’re always “fine”
One of the most telling signs of a person going through a tough time is their insistence that they’re “fine”.
We’ve all had days when we put on a brave face for the world. But when you notice someone consistently brushing off their problems and insisting they’re okay, even when their body language suggests otherwise, it’s a red flag.
It’s often easier to say “I’m fine” rather than open up about the turmoil within. After all, expressing our deepest fears and troubles requires trust and vulnerability – something that’s not always easy to come by.
Next time you hear someone always assuring you they’re fine, take a moment to look deeper. Read between the lines. It could be a silent cry for help or an attempt to mask the pain they’re feeling. And your understanding and empathy could make all the difference.
2) They’ve lost interest in things they once loved
I remember when my friend, Alex, was going through a really tough time. We used to spend hours playing video games and debating about our favorite superheroes. But then, suddenly, he stopped showing up.
He’d always have an excuse – too much work, not feeling well, family obligations. But the truth was, he just didn’t find joy in these activities anymore.
It’s a common sign of someone dealing with pain or distress. They lose interest in hobbies and activities they once enjoyed. It’s as if the color has drained from their world and they’re left seeing everything in gray.
So if you notice a friend or loved one pulling away from their passions, it could be a sign that they’re going through a challenging phase in life. It might be the right time to reach out and let them know you’re there for them.
3) They have trouble sleeping
We all have those nights where sleep seems to elude us. But when it becomes a pattern, it’s often a sign of deeper issues.
Insomnia or disturbed sleep is a common symptom associated with stress, anxiety, and depression. Our minds can keep us awake, racing with thoughts and worries that we’re unable to switch off.
Even if someone seems to be functioning well during the day, their sleep patterns can tell a different story. It’s not uncommon for people dealing with emotional pain to have irregular sleep schedules, waking up frequently during the night or struggling to fall asleep in the first place.
So if you notice someone constantly looking tired or complaining about lack of sleep, it might be more than just a few late nights. There could be something heavier weighing on their mind.
4) They isolate themselves
In times of distress, some people tend to withdraw from social interactions. It’s a form of self-preservation — by isolating themselves, they’re trying to avoid any additional stress or pain that could come from social situations.
This might manifest as them declining invitations, failing to show up at gatherings, or even distancing themselves from close friends and family. They might start preferring their own company to the company of others.
It’s important to remember that this isn’t about you. They’re not intentionally trying to push you away. It’s just their way of coping with the turmoil inside them.
And your patience and understanding during these times can provide immense support.
5) Their mood swings are frequent and intense
Life can be like a roller coaster, with its ups and downs. But when someone is in pain, their emotional ride can become more intense and unpredictable.
One moment they might be laughing, and the next they could be lost in a sea of sadness. These mood swings might seem out of place or disproportionate to the situation at hand.
This emotional instability isn’t a sign of weakness or lack of control. It’s a reflection of the internal struggle they’re dealing with. The smallest triggers can bring forth a flood of emotions they’ve been trying to keep at bay.
Remember, it’s not easy carrying a burden that others can’t see. So, if you notice this sign in someone you know, try to give them the space and patience they need. Your kindness could be the anchor they need in their storm.
6) They’re easily irritable or defensive
I’ll never forget the day I snapped at my little sister for misplacing my pen. It was just a pen, but my reaction was fierce and completely out of character.
That’s often a sign of someone dealing with significant pain – they become irritable over the smallest things. They’re already dealing with so much internally that any additional stressor, no matter how minor, can trigger an intense response.
This defensiveness is like a shield. It’s their way of protecting themselves when they feel vulnerable. So if you notice someone reacting strongly to seemingly small issues, it’s worth considering what else might be going on beneath the surface.
7) They seem distracted or disconnected
When someone’s dealing with internal pain, it can be hard for them to stay present. Their mind is often consumed by their troubles, making it difficult to focus on the here and now.
This might come across as them being distant, aloof or simply not engaged in conversations or activities. They may seem lost in their own world, even when surrounded by others.
It’s not that they don’t care or aren’t interested. It’s just that their mental energy is being consumed by their struggles. And if you notice this sign in someone you know, try to offer them your understanding and patience. They might just need a safe space to untangle their thoughts.
8) They’re constantly self-deprecating
One of the most heartbreaking signs of hidden pain is when someone constantly puts themselves down. They might make jokes at their own expense or downplay their achievements.
This isn’t just modesty or a healthy sense of humor. It’s often a reflection of how they see themselves – unworthy, inadequate, or simply not enough.
This sign can be easy to overlook, especially if they’re good at masking it with humor. But it’s essential to take such self-deprecating behavior seriously.
Remember, words are powerful, and the language we use about ourselves can be a mirror to our innermost feelings.
Final thought: It’s about empathy
The complexities of human emotions are as deep as they are diverse. And often, they’re hidden beneath the surface, masked by smiles and everyday conversations.
One such complexity is the silent struggle of people who seem normal on the surface, but are actually dealing with immense pain. These signs we’ve discussed are subtle cries for help, easily overlooked if we’re not observant and understanding.
An eloquent quote by Plato encapsulates this perfectly: “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”
This is particularly true for those who hide their pain beneath a veneer of normalcy. Their battle might not be visible, but it’s no less real or challenging.
As we navigate through life, let’s remember to approach others with empathy and kindness. We might not fully understand their journey, but our compassion could provide them with a bit of solace in their struggle. And sometimes, that’s all they really need.
