When a boomer tells you, “back in my day…”, you might feel a twinge of annoyance. Or if they say, “kids these days…”, you might find your respect for them slipping.
Yep, there’s no denying it.
The way boomers communicate can sometimes make us younger folks feel misunderstood or even dismissed. And while it may not be intentional, these seemingly harmless phrases can stir up resentment over time.
As an editor who has worked with a diverse range of voices and generations, I’ve identified 8 specific things boomers say that quietly grind the gears of younger people. Let’s delve into them.
1) “Back in my day…”
It’s a phrase we’ve all heard.
A boomer starts a sentence with “back in my day…”, and immediately, there’s an undercurrent of tension. It’s not so much about the nostalgia wrapped up in these words, but the hidden message that often comes with them.
This phrase, whether intentionally or not, tends to imply that things were better in the past – a past that younger generations had no part in.
The sentiment might be innocent enough, but to a younger ear, it can sound dismissive of their own experiences and struggles. After all, every generation has its unique challenges and triumphs, right?
When I work with diverse writers from different generations, I see how such sentiments can unintentionally create barriers. It’s not about dismissing the past, but about appreciating the present and acknowledging the future.
2) “You have it easy these days”
Now this one, I’ve personally experienced.
I remember a conversation I had with a boomer acquaintance a while back. We were talking about work and I was sharing how stressful it can get managing multiple projects, tight deadlines, and the expectation to be ‘always on’ due to technology.
Their response? “You have it easy these days with all your fancy technology. In our time, we didn’t have all these gadgets to help us.”
I was taken aback. Here I was, sharing my genuine concerns and instead of receiving empathy, I was met with a dismissive comment. It made me feel as though my struggles were being belittled.
What this boomer failed to understand is that while technology has indeed made certain aspects of our lives easier, it has also introduced a whole new set of challenges. The expectation to be constantly available and the inability to disconnect from work are just a couple of examples.
3) “When I was your age…”
Slipping into the past again with “when I was your age…”, boomers often draw comparisons between their youthful experiences and those of the younger generation.
The trouble with this phrase is that it often comes off as an unfair comparison. It’s important to remember that the world has changed dramatically over the last few decades.
For instance, the average cost of a house in 1980 was roughly $68,000. Today, that figure has skyrocketed to over $200,000.
These stark differences in economic realities can make younger people feel like their struggles are being minimized or overlooked. They’re not just dealing with a different world; they’re dealing with a more challenging one in many respects.
Instead of drawing comparisons, it’s crucial to acknowledge the unique challenges that each generation faces. After all, understanding starts with empathy, not comparison.
4) “You should respect your elders”
Respect is a fundamental aspect of any relationship.
However, when boomers use the phrase “you should respect your elders…”, it can often feel like they’re demanding respect based solely on seniority, rather than on mutual understanding and kindness.
This phrase can create friction because respect isn’t about age; it’s about actions, words, and how one treats others. Younger generations believe strongly in this principle and advocate for equality across all ages.
The key here is mutual respect. Instead of insisting on respect due to age, it’s more beneficial to foster a relationship where respect is earned through understanding, empathy, and shared experiences.
5) “You’re always on that phone”
This is one I often encounter when I’m engrossed in my work.
As an editor, a large part of my job involves being online, checking emails, reviewing documents and staying updated with the latest trends. So yes, I am “always on that phone” or laptop.
Yet, when a boomer comments, “you’re always on that phone…”, it’s not always with an understanding of why. To them, it might seem like an unhealthy attachment to technology, but to us, it’s often much more than that.
Our devices are not just tools for social media or entertainment. They’re our news outlets, our libraries, our offices and sometimes even our classrooms. They connect us to the world in a way previous generations might not fully grasp.
So, instead of making assumptions about screen time, it would be more beneficial to understand why younger generations rely so heavily on technology. It’s not simply a pastime; it’s a necessity in today’s digital age.
6) “You need to get a real job”
In the booming gig economy, the concept of a “real job” has drastically evolved. The traditional 9-5 office grind is no longer the only path to success and financial security.
Despite this, the phrase “you need to get a real job…” often pops up in conversations with boomers. This can be incredibly demotivating, especially for those who have chosen unconventional career paths in creative fields, technology or entrepreneurial ventures.
What’s seen as instability or lack of ambition by boomers, is viewed as flexibility and independence by younger generations. These non-traditional jobs can often be just as, if not more, rewarding and lucrative.
So, instead of prescribing a one-size-fits-all career path, embracing the diversity of today’s job market could lead to more understanding conversations between generations.
7) “You guys don’t know how to commit”
This phrase often comes up in discussions about relationships, job hopping or even preference for renting over buying a house. Boomers sometimes perceive younger generations as commitment-phobic.
However, what’s often misunderstood is that younger generations are not afraid of commitment, but they are cautious about making the right choices. They value flexibility and freedom to explore before settling down in any aspect of their lives.
Whether it’s about a relationship or a career choice, young people today prefer to take their time, explore their options and commit when they’re ready.
This approach is not a lack of commitment, but a more thoughtful way of making significant life decisions.
Rather than labeling this approach as fear of commitment, understanding this shift in perspective could bridge the generational gap.
8) “You’re too young to understand”
This phrase might be the most dismissive of all. When a boomer says, “You’re too young to understand…”, it undermines the experiences and knowledge of younger people, making them feel belittled or patronized.
Age does not solely dictate wisdom or understanding.
Younger generations have unique experiences and knowledge that are valid and valuable. They are capable of understanding complex issues, often bringing fresh perspectives and innovative solutions.
Acknowledging this is key to fostering a mutual respect and understanding between generations.
Understanding, not resentment
Looking back at these 8 phrases, it’s clear that the resentment younger generations might feel is not about the phrases themselves, but the attitudes they often represent.
The gap between boomers and younger generations isn’t just a matter of age or experience. It’s a different worldview, shaped by different circumstances. It’s about acknowledging that the world has changed and continues to change.
Remember, every generation believes it had it harder, was more respectful, or more committed. It’s a tale as old as time. But it doesn’t have to be a tale of resentment.
Going forward, instead of allowing these phrases to create tension, let them open dialogues. Let’s use them as opportunities to bridge the generational gap with understanding and empathy.
We are products of our time, but we have the power to shape the conversations of the future.
So next time a boomer says “back in my day…”, perhaps we can reply with “and today, this is our day…”.
