When someone avoids eye contact, it might mean they’re shy. When someone constantly apologizes, they could be insecure.
Simple social cues, right?
But what if I told you that sometimes, the things we do in social settings aren’t just random actions, but deeply rooted behaviors influenced by our upbringing? Especially for those of us who were raised to feel “less than.”
I’m going to share 8 things you may not even realize you’re doing in social situations. Why? Because understanding these behaviors might just be the first step towards changing them.
So let’s dive right in.
1) Constantly apologizing
Have you ever noticed how often you say “sorry”?
It’s like a reflex action, an autopilot response that kicks in even when there’s no real need for an apology. You might bump into someone, or maybe you’re a little late, or perhaps someone misunderstood what you said.
But here’s the thing: apologies are meant to express regret or remorse for something wrong we’ve done. And often, the situations we find ourselves constantly apologizing for aren’t actually our fault.
So why do we do it?
Well, for those raised to feel “less than”, it’s a way of making ourselves smaller, of taking up less space. It’s like we’re instinctively trying to avoid conflict or rejection by making sure everyone else is comfortable, even at our own expense.
If this sounds like you, take a moment to consider why you’re always saying sorry. Awareness is the first step towards change.
2) Overthinking your interactions
I remember when I went to my first networking event. As soon as I stepped into the room, I could feel my mind racing, trying to make sure I didn’t say or do the wrong thing.
Every interaction felt like a test, every conversation a potential minefield. Afterward, I’d replay each moment in my head, critiquing every word, every gesture, and wondering if I’d somehow messed up.
Sound familiar?
This is a common behavior for people who were raised to feel “less than”.
We’re so worried about others’ opinions and judgments that we end up overanalyzing our social interactions. It’s exhausting and often leaves us feeling even more insecure.
But remember, everyone’s human. We all say things we don’t mean sometimes, and that’s okay. It doesn’t define our worth or our place in social settings.
3) Hesitating to share your achievements
In a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, researchers found that people who were raised to feel “less than” are more likely to downplay their accomplishments.
It’s as if we’re conditioned to believe that our successes aren’t worth celebrating, or that by sharing them, we’re showing off or making others uncomfortable.
In reality, your achievements are a testament to your hard work, dedication, and resilience. They’re something to be proud of, not something to hide.
Everyone has a right to shine, including you. So next time you achieve something great, don’t hold back. Share it with the world. You deserve it.
4) Seeking validation from others
Do you often find yourself seeking approval or validation from others? Like your decisions aren’t valid until someone else gives them a stamp of approval?
This often stems from being raised to feel “less than”. We’re so used to having our choices or actions scrutinized that we’ve internalized this need for external validation.
But here’s a secret: You’re the only one who needs to approve your choices. After all, it’s your life.
So, next time you catch yourself waiting for someone else’s nod of approval, take a moment to remind yourself that your decisions are valid simply because they’re yours.
5) Avoiding confrontation at all costs
I used to shy away from confrontations. Whenever there was a disagreement or conflict, I’d be the first to back down, even if I knew I was right. It felt safer, easier, to just let it go rather than stand up for myself.
And I know I’m not alone in this.
If you were raised to feel “less than”, confrontation can often feel threatening, like it risks exposing our perceived inadequacies. But avoiding confrontation doesn’t protect us; it just leaves us unheard and undervalued.
It’s important to remember that it’s okay to voice your opinions and stand your ground. Your thoughts and feelings are just as valid as anyone else’s. Trust me, it takes practice, but it’s worth it.
6) Overcompensating by being overly helpful
Helping others is a wonderful thing. But there’s a fine line between being helpful and overcompensating due to feelings of inadequacy.
People who were raised to feel “less than” often go above and beyond to assist others, sometimes at the expense of their own needs. It’s a way of proving our worth, of showing that we’re useful and therefore valuable.
But here’s the twist: your worth isn’t determined by how much you do for others. You’re inherently valuable, just as you are.
It’s perfectly okay to set boundaries and prioritize your own needs. Trust me, you’re worth it.
7) Struggling to accept compliments
“Wow, you did a great job!” How do you respond to that?
If your immediate reaction is to dismiss the compliment or downplay your achievements, you’re not alone. For those of us raised to feel “less than”, accepting praise can feel uncomfortable, almost as if we’re being dishonest or conceited.
But think about it this way: When you reject a compliment, you’re essentially rejecting the positive view someone else has of you.
So next time someone compliments you, try to resist the urge to deflect. Instead, simply say “Thank you.” It might feel strange at first, but with time, it’ll become easier. And you’ll start to see yourself in a more positive light too.
8) Making yourself smaller
Whether it’s lowering your voice, avoiding eye contact, or physically making yourself smaller by crossing your arms and legs, these are all signs of trying to take up less space.
But here’s the truth: You have every right to take up space in this world. Your voice matters, your opinions are valid, and you deserve to be seen and heard.
Don’t let anyone, including yourself, convince you otherwise.
Embracing your worth
As we navigate through social settings, it’s important to remember that the behaviors we’ve discussed aren’t signs of weakness, but rather, they’re indicative of a journey.
A journey where you’re continuously learning and growing.
Being raised to feel “less than” can certainly impact how you move through the world. But it doesn’t define who you are or your value as a person.
Psychologist Carl Rogers once said, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” Acceptance is powerful. Accepting yourself, with all your perceived flaws and quirks, is the first step towards embracing your worth.
And remember, while these behaviors may be deeply ingrained, they aren’t permanent. Change is always possible. It’s never too late to start taking up space, to stop apologizing for your existence, and to start realizing your inherent value.
Because you are enough, just as you are.
