Manipulation isn’t just a mere play of words; it’s a lethal skill that some people master alarmingly well. Emotional manipulation is especially dangerous because it’s often disguised as care or concern.
But here’s the catch – there are certain traits that make someone a pro at this dangerous game. These traits make their manipulation tactics smooth and often undetectable.
In this article, I’m going to pull back the curtain on these 8 traits that make someone dangerously good at emotional manipulation. Remember, knowledge is power and recognizing these traits can be your first step in safeguarding against such manipulative behavior.
1) They’re really good listeners
Did you know that one of the most common traits of an emotional manipulator is being an excellent listener?
Sounds surprising, right? But it’s true.
You see, emotional manipulators are always on the lookout for your weaknesses. And what better way to find them than by listening to you talk about your life, your worries, your dreams, and your fears?
They pay close attention, they nod at the right moments, and they ask probing questions. All this while making you feel like you’ve found someone who truly understands you.
But beware. This understanding is often used as a weapon. They know your vulnerabilities and they know exactly how to use them to their advantage.
Remember, it’s not about the listening per se. It’s about what they do with the information they gather. So always be cautious about who you open up to and how much you reveal about yourself.
2) They play the victim card often
I’ve seen this trait firsthand. A friend of mine, let’s call her Jane, was a master at playing the victim.
Whenever something went wrong, it was never her fault. She would always find a way to shift the blame onto someone else. And if you tried to confront her about something she did wrong, she would turn it around and make you feel guilty for accusing her.
She was always the one being wronged, the one being misunderstood, the one facing hardships. The world was out to get her, or so she made it seem.
Jane’s victim mentality was a manipulative tactic designed to make others feel sorry for her. It kept people from holding her accountable for her actions and often resulted in her getting what she wanted.
So, when you come across someone who always seems to be the victim, take a step back. It might just be another example of emotional manipulation at play.
3) They use gaslighting techniques
Gaslighting is a manipulation tactic that makes you question your own perception of reality. It’s a term that originates from a 1944 film called “Gaslight,” where a husband systematically manipulates his wife into believing she’s going insane.
In real life, emotional manipulators use gaslighting to make you doubt your feelings, memories, and experiences. They might deny things that have happened, contradict your recollections or convince you that your reactions are over the top or unfounded.
This psychological warfare can have severe effects, leading to anxiety, depression, and even a sense of losing one’s mind. So, it’s crucial to be aware of this trait and take steps to protect yourself if you suspect you’re being gaslighted.
4) They’re masters of guilt trips
Guilt is a powerful emotion, and emotional manipulators know just how to use it to their advantage. They have an uncanny ability to make you feel guilty for things that are not your responsibility.
Perhaps you didn’t answer their call because you were busy at work, or you chose to spend a weekend with your family instead of them. Regardless of the reason, they’ll make you feel as if you’ve committed a grave offense.
The end goal? To make you feel so guilty that you go out of your way to make it up to them, often at the expense of your own needs and well-being. It’s a sneaky way of controlling your actions and should be a major red flag.
Always remember, it’s okay to prioritize yourself. Don’t let anyone make you feel guilty for taking care of your own needs.
5) They lack empathy
At the heart of emotional manipulation lies a noticeable lack of empathy. Manipulators often struggle to understand or share the feelings of others, unless it serves their own agenda.
They may appear to care when they’re trying to get something from you, but when you’re in genuine need of support, they’re often nowhere to be found. Their empathy is conditional and fleeting.
This lack of genuine empathy can be emotionally draining for those around them. You might find yourself constantly giving, while receiving little to nothing in return.
Maintaining a relationship with someone who lacks empathy can be challenging and often detrimental to your own emotional well-being. It’s important to recognize this trait and protect your emotional health.
6) They’re skilled at changing the subject
This is something I’ve noticed in my own interactions with a former colleague. Whenever we were in a meeting and things weren’t going his way, he had an uncanny knack for changing the subject.
If someone brought up a point he couldn’t argue with, he would subtly shift the conversation, often to something completely unrelated. This deflection tactic not only saved him from admitting he was wrong but also threw everyone off balance, leaving him in control of the situation.
It’s a cunning manipulation strategy that can leave you second-guessing your own points and arguments. The key is to stay focused and not let the conversation be derailed.
7) They’re overly critical
Emotional manipulators often use criticism as a tool to bring others down. They’re quick to point out your flaws, your mistakes, and your shortcomings. They rarely miss an opportunity to make you feel less than perfect.
Their criticisms often come under the guise of ‘helpful advice’ or ‘constructive feedback’. However, the underlying intention is to undermine your self-confidence and make you more susceptible to their manipulation.
It’s important to remember that everyone has their strengths and weaknesses. Don’t let anyone’s unwarranted criticism affect your self-esteem or self-worth.
8) They’re rarely apologetic
Emotional manipulators have a hard time saying “I’m sorry”. They often see admitting fault as a sign of weakness. When confronted about their behavior, they’ll often twist the situation, deflect blame, or even outright deny any wrongdoing.
This inability to apologize is a clear sign of manipulation. It’s a way for them to maintain control and avoid taking responsibility for their actions.
Remember, everyone makes mistakes and it’s okay to admit when you’re wrong. True strength lies in accountability and the ability to apologize sincerely when you’ve done something wrong.
Final thoughts: It’s about self-awareness
Understanding the traits of emotional manipulators is a significant step towards guarding ourselves from such harmful behavior.
Remember, while it’s crucial to be vigilant, it’s equally important to not let the fear of manipulation paralyze our trust in others. Not everyone who exhibits these traits is an emotional manipulator, and we all have the capacity for change and growth.
What really matters is self-awareness and setting boundaries. Knowing what constitutes manipulation and asserting our personal boundaries can protect us from being taken advantage of.
As the saying goes, “Forewarned is forearmed.” So, stay informed, stay strong, and always trust your instincts when it comes to safeguarding your emotional health.
