We all know the sort of person who just seems to light up a room with their presence.
They put others at ease, steer conversations with grace and thoughtfulness, and leave you feeling heard and valued.
What is it about these individuals that sets them apart?
It’s not necessarily what they say, but how they communicate.
It’s their small conversational habits that reveal a high degree of emotional intelligence.
Emotional intelligence, or EQ, is the ability to understand, use, and manage your own emotions in positive ways to relieve stress, empathize with others, communicate effectively, overcome challenges and defuse conflict.
And it’s not an innate trait – it’s something we can all learn and develop over time.
So how can you become that person who effortlessly connects with others?
The answer lies in adopting some simple yet powerful conversational habits.
These habits are not grand gestures; they are small adjustments to how you interact with others in everyday conversations.
And the best part?
Anybody can learn them.
Let’s dive into nine small conversational habits that will instantly make you seem more thoughtful and emotionally intelligent.
1. Ask follow-up questions
We’ve all been in those conversations where it feels like we’re talking to a brick wall. It’s frustrating and disheartening.
To avoid being that brick wall, make sure to ask follow-up questions. According to researchers at Harvard Business School, people who ask more follow-up questions during a conversation are viewed as more likable and responsive(1).
Questions like “Oh really? What happened next?” show that you’re actively engaged and genuinely interested in what the other person has to say.
This simple act of showing curiosity makes you come off as thoughtful and emotionally connected.
2. Use their name
We all love the sound of our own name. It’s a core part of our identity and hearing it instantly grabs our attention.
Researchers found that hearing your own name lights up brain regions tied to attention and identity(2).
So, don’t be shy about sprinkling the other person’s name throughout the conversation.
A simple “Thank you, Marta!” or “That’s a great point, Marta” can make the other person feel seen and engaged.
It’s a small verbal gesture that deepens connection and boosts the other person’s sense of importance in the conversation.
3. Mirror their behavior
Have you ever noticed how close friends often mimic each other’s gestures, facial expressions, or even speech patterns?
This is no coincidence.
Subtle mirroring – matching a friend’s smile, posture, or phrasing – acts like social glue, boosting trust and the sense of “we’re in sync”(3).
Even a quick nod-and-smile reflex can quietly deepen rapport.
This doesn’t mean you should consciously imitate every gesture or phrase, but simply being aware of this can help you naturally tune into the other person’s wavelength and build a stronger bond.
4. Practice active listening
Active listening is the art of fully focusing on the speaker, understanding their message, responding thoughtfully, and then remembering what’s been said.
It shows respect and lets the person talking know that you value their thoughts and feelings.
Resist the urge to plan your response while they’re still speaking – instead, absorb their words and respond in a way that shows you’ve taken it all in.
This might be a nod, a relevant comment, or a follow-up question.
Active listening fosters meaningful connections and earns you a reputation as a thoughtful and empathetic communicator.
5. Show genuine interest
Expressing genuine interest in what the other person is saying goes a long way in making you seem more thoughtful and emotionally intelligent.
From their job to their hobbies or personal anecdotes, showing enthusiasm and curiosity gives them a sense of importance and validation.
This doesn’t mean feigning interest; rather, it’s about finding common ground or learning something new from their experiences.
Remember, everyone has a story to tell, and by expressing authentic interest, you’re honoring their narrative.
6. Be open and share personal experiences
While it’s crucial to listen and show interest in others, sharing about yourself is also important.
Opening up about your own experiences not only humanizes you but also makes the other person feel more comfortable in sharing their own stories.
It’s about striking a balance between listening and sharing – this give-and-take is what builds a two-sided relationship and fosters deeper connections.
7. Manage your non-verbal cues
Remember, communication isn’t just about words – non-verbal cues like eye contact, facial expressions, and body language play an enormous role in how we connect with others.
For instance, maintaining eye contact shows that you’re fully present in the conversation, while open body language signals that you’re receptive and engaged.
Be mindful of these silent signals – they can communicate just as much, if not more than your words.
8. Stay positive
Positivity is contagious.
Staying positive doesn’t mean you have to be cheerful all the time, but adopting an overall optimistic outlook can make conversations more enjoyable and meaningful for both parties.
This might mean focusing on solutions rather than problems, expressing gratitude, or simply offering words of encouragement or affirmation.
9. Respect their opinions
Last but definitely not least, respecting others’ opinions – even when they differ from your own – is a sign of emotional intelligence.
This doesn’t mean you have to agree with everything they say, but acknowledging their perspective fosters an environment of mutual respect and open-mindedness.
It shows that you value them as individuals and are open to seeing things from different angles.
So there you have it, folks.
Nine simple conversational habits that can make a world of difference in how you connect with others.
They might seem small, but remember – often, it’s the little things that leave the biggest impression.
As you move forward, consider integrating these habits into your daily interactions.
Watch as they transform your conversations, deepen your relationships, and elevate your overall emotional intelligence.
After all, the art of conversation is a lifelong journey, not a destination.
And remember, becoming more emotionally intelligent doesn’t happen overnight.
It requires practice and patience.
But with each conversation, you’ll be honing your skills and becoming that person who not only talks but truly communicates.
Embrace the process and enjoy the journey.
Happy chatting!
