Life can often feel like a performance. Some of us tend to put on a cheerful show in public, but behind closed doors, we fall into a slump.
On the surface, these folks appear to be the life of the party – always upbeat, always enthusiastic. But in private, they’re dealing with a whole other reality.
You see, there’s a stark difference between appearing happy and genuinely feeling it. And those who’ve mastered this charade have some subtle habits that give them away.
In this article, we’ll delve into nine subtle habits of people who seem overly upbeat in public but secretly crash in private.
We’ll uncover the signs that hint towards this emotional discrepancy and, perhaps, allow us a better understanding of our own behaviors.
Buckle up as we navigate these emotional undercurrents together. After all, recognizing these habits is the first step towards addressing them.
1) They’re always on
Life is a roller coaster, filled with highs and lows. But for some people, it seems like the ride never dips – they’re always on a high, constantly radiating positivity.
These individuals are perpetually in ‘performance’ mode, always ready to put their best foot forward.
Whether it’s a work meeting, a social gathering, or even a casual conversation, they are the epitome of cheerfulness and enthusiasm.
But here’s the catch – it’s exhausting to be ‘on’ all the time. This constant pressure to maintain an upbeat exterior can take a toll on their mental health.
In private, they often crash, letting their guard down and succumbing to the fatigue.
Understanding this habit not only helps us recognize when someone might be struggling beneath their cheerful exterior, but also encourages us to practice self-care and balance in our own lives.
Because remember, it’s okay not to be ‘on’ all the time.
2) They avoid discussing personal struggles
A few years ago, I had a friend, let’s call her Sara. Sara was the life of every party, the person whose laughter filled the room, the one who always seemed to have it all together.
But whenever I tried to dig a little deeper, to ask how she was genuinely doing, she would skillfully deflect the conversation.
She’d laugh it off or change the topic swiftly. We all have our struggles and challenges, but Sara never seemed to have any – or at least, she never spoke about them.
In retrospect, I can now see that this was one of her subtle habits. Out in public, she avoided mentioning any personal hardships or emotional turbulence.
But in private, I later learned, Sara was dealing with tremendous stress and anxiety.
This habit is common among those who seem overly upbeat in public but secretly crash in private. They may fear that sharing their struggles will shatter the happy-go-lucky image they’ve so carefully constructed.
But remember, it’s essential to have open and honest conversations about our mental health – because everyone has their battles, and it’s okay not to be okay.
3) They have difficulty saying no
It’s interesting how often people who always seem upbeat in public are also those who have a hard time saying ‘no’.
Their desire to maintain a positive image can lead them to overcommit, taking on more responsibilities than they can handle.
In a study by the University of California in San Francisco, researchers found a direct link between difficulty saying ‘no’ and stress, burnout, and even depression.
This isn’t surprising – when you’re constantly stretching yourself thin to meet others’ expectations, it’s bound to take a toll on your mental health.
In private, these individuals often feel overwhelmed by the sheer volume of commitments they’ve made. They may struggle to fulfill them all, leading to guilt, stress, and a sense of failure.
Recognizing this habit is crucial. It’s okay to set boundaries and prioritize your needs – because saying ‘yes’ to everything means saying ‘no’ to something else, and that something else might be your own well-being.
4) They’re often overachievers
Highly upbeat individuals often have a common trait – they’re overachievers.
They strive to excel in every area of their life, be it work, relationships, or personal goals. This constant need to succeed fuels their public persona of positivity and ambition.
However, the drive to overachieve can also stem from a fear of failure or inadequacy. They feel the need to constantly prove their worth, and this can lead to immense pressure and stress.
Behind closed doors, the weight of these expectations can cause them to crash. The constant striving for perfection can leave them feeling drained, anxious, and dissatisfied with themselves.
It’s important to remember that it’s okay to have ambitions, but not at the cost of your mental health. Success is not just about achieving goals but also about maintaining a balance and finding joy in the journey.
5) They rarely ask for help
Ever noticed how people who appear overly upbeat often seem to have everything under control? They handle their tasks with ease and never seem to need assistance.
This, however, is another subtle habit of those who secretly crash in private.
They hesitate to ask for help, feeling that it may portray them as weak or incapable. Their public persona thrives on the image of self-sufficiency and resilience.
In reality, carrying all the burden alone can be incredibly taxing. In their private moments, they may feel overwhelmed, struggling to juggle all their responsibilities single-handedly.
Remember, asking for help is not a sign of weakness – it’s a sign of strength. It shows that you understand your limits and aren’t afraid to reach out when necessary.
Prioritizing your well-being is essential, and sometimes, that means letting others lend you a hand.
6) They feel responsible for other’s happiness
It’s a beautiful trait to care about others and their happiness. People who seem overly upbeat in public often exhibit this – they go out of their way to lift others’ spirits, spreading positivity wherever they go.
However, they can sometimes carry this to an extreme, feeling personally responsible for the happiness of those around them.
They strive to be the constant ray of sunshine, fearful that showing their own vulnerabilities might bring others down.
In their private moments, the weight of this ‘responsibility’ can cause them to crash. It can be emotionally draining to feel that you always have to be the one to cheer others up, especially when you’re battling your own struggles.
It’s essential to remember that while it’s wonderful to spread joy, your own mental health should never be compromised.
True friends will understand and support you, even on your cloudy days – because after all, everyone has them.
7) They compartmentalize their emotions
During a particularly tough phase in my life, I found myself smiling and laughing during the day, only to breakdown at night.
I had developed a habit of compartmentalizing my emotions, keeping the negative ones tucked away until I was alone.
This is a common trait among those who seem overly upbeat in public but secretly crash in private.
They master the art of suppressing their true feelings, only allowing the positive ones to surface when they are in the company of others.
However, this act of compartmentalizing can lead to emotional exhaustion. When they’re alone, these suppressed emotions tend to resurface, often resulting in a ‘crash’.
It’s important to understand that it’s okay to express your true feelings – be they positive or negative. Emotions are meant to be felt and expressed, not stored away. Remember, it’s okay not to be okay all the time.
8) They constantly seek validation
People who often seem upbeat in public can be natural people pleasers. They thrive on approval and validation from others, and their positive, energetic exterior often reaps heaps of praise.
This praise feels good. It reinforces their public persona and gives them a sense of worth. But the problem arises when this external validation becomes a crutch, something they rely on to feel good about themselves.
In private, away from the applause and compliments, they can crash. The lack of external validation can lead to self-doubt and insecurity, causing them to question their worth.
Recognizing this habit is key. It’s essential to understand that your value shouldn’t depend on what others think of you.
Self-validation is far more important – learning to appreciate yourself for who you are, irrespective of public opinion.
9) They struggle with self-care
The most important thing to understand about people who seem overly upbeat in public but crash in private is their relationship with self-care.
Often, they put everyone else’s needs before their own, leaving little time or energy for themselves.
They might feel guilty or selfish for taking time to rest, relax, or engage in activities they enjoy.
But the lack of self-care can be detrimental to their mental health, leaving them feeling depleted and emotionally drained in private.
Remember, self-care isn’t a luxury – it’s a necessity. You can’t pour from an empty cup. Taking care of your own needs isn’t selfish; it’s essential for maintaining your mental well-being.
Final thoughts: It’s about balance
The complexities of our behaviors and emotions are often deeply intertwined with our mental health and well-being.
One key aspect to understand is the concept of emotional equilibrium. This balance is crucial in preventing us from seeming overly upbeat in public, only to crash in private.
Psychologists have long emphasized the importance of emotional balance. It’s not about suppressing negative emotions or over-emphasizing positive ones.
It’s about allowing ourselves to experience a full range of emotions, without judgment or fear.
For those who seem overly upbeat in public but privately crash, the challenge is to find this balance.
To understand that it’s okay to not always be the life of the party. To realize that it’s okay to share your struggles and ask for help when needed.
In essence, it’s about embracing your authentic self, with all its ups and downs, highs and lows. Because at the end of the day, we’re all human, and it’s our imperfections that make us beautifully unique.
As philosopher Alan Watts once said, “One is a great deal less anxious if one feels perfectly free to be anxious.”
Let’s give ourselves that freedom – to feel, to be vulnerable, and to seek balance in our emotional landscape.
