If a woman texts you these 7 phrases, she’s probably not interested in you but wants to be polite

We’ve all been there: staring at our phones, over-analyzing every dot that pops up in a chat window.

Is she busy, shy, or simply not that into you?

Sometimes a woman wants to spare your feelings, so she reaches for a gentle sentence that says, “Please move on” without spelling it out.

After two decades as a relationship counselor—and plenty of hard-won lessons from my own early dating mishaps—I’ve noticed seven phrases that almost always translate to polite disinterest.

Let’s unpack each one so you can save time, protect your confidence, and focus on someone who’s genuinely excited to talk to you.

1. “Sorry, I’ve been so busy lately”

Ever catch yourself asking, Busy with what, exactly?

When a woman repeatedly blames vague busyness, she’s signaling that chatting with you isn’t on her priority list.

Yes, everyone has hectic weeks, but most of us still find thirty seconds to text someone we’re excited about.

Where we direct our attention is where we reveal our emotions.

If her attention keeps drifting elsewhere, her feelings probably have, too.

Rather than reply with another enthusiastic paragraph, try a simple: “No worries—reach out when your schedule frees up.”

If she never circles back, you’ve got your answer.

2. “You’re such a good friend to talk to”

This line looks flattering on the surface.

Peel back a layer, though, and it’s holding you in the friend zone.

I remember a client, Mark, who spent months texting movie memes to a colleague he secretly liked.

Every message back started with, “Haha, you’re such a good buddy!”

Mark mistook her warmth for budding romance—until she announced she was dating someone else.

Friendship language (“buddy,” “pal,” “friend”) is often a velvet rope separating casual camaraderie from romantic possibility.

Ask yourself: do her texts ever hint at exclusivity or attraction?

If not, graciously downgrade your expectations and decide whether a platonic bond is enough.

3. “Let’s play it by ear”

Steve Jobs famously said, “Real artists ship.”

In relationships, people who want to see you ship plans—they pick a date and lock it in.

“Play it by ear” feels open-minded, but it also keeps you dangling.

When a woman is interested, she’ll suggest concrete alternatives: “Thursday is packed, but Saturday afternoon works!”

Ambiguity means she’s leaving wiggle room to fade away without awkward confrontation.

If you receive this text twice in a row, respond with clarity: “I’d love to meet. How about coffee this Sunday at 10?”

A definite yes or a polite decline will tell you everything.

4. “I’m terrible at texting”

Is she? Probably not with her best friend or the colleague who needs that spreadsheet by noon.

A 2023 Pew Research Center report notes that 30% of adults have used dating apps—and rapid-fire messaging is the norm there.

Translation: if she wants to keep a conversation alive, she knows how.

Maya Angelou once observed, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them.”

When someone tells you they won’t text much, believe that, too.
Instead of waiting days for a lukewarm reply, invest your energy elsewhere.

5. “I don’t want to ruin our friendship”

On the surface, this sounds considerate.

Underneath, it’s a velvet-glove “no.”

It’s one of the phrases relationship expert Blaine Anderson highlighted this spring as a subtle sign of romantic disinterest.

Her advice—and mine—is to watch actions over words.

If she’s eager, she’ll risk the friendship for a deeper connection.

If she’s not, she’ll protect the status quo.

You deserve mutual risk-taking, not permanent limbo.

6. “I’m just really focusing on myself right now”

Cue the personal-growth montage.

Look, I’m a huge advocate of self-work (I even wrote Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship), but self-focus rarely blocks all romance.

Brené Brown reminds us that, “We are hardwired for connection.”

When a woman genuinely likes you, she’ll find ways to weave connection into her self-care era—perhaps shorter dates, but still dates.

If the focus-on-me narrative surfaces right after you express interest, she’s softly lowering the curtain.

Smile, wish her well, and let the show go on without you.

7. “Haha, you’re so funny!”

Perhaps most crucially, notice what doesn’t follow this praise.

Is she laughing and asking follow-up questions?

Does she pivot to share something personal?

Or does the conversation fizzle?

Texting “Haha” can be a social lubricant—polite, quick, and non-committal.

A NumberBarn survey this year found that 75% of singles have experienced ghosting, often preceded by short, one-word replies. 

Light laughter with zero engagement is the digital equivalent of a half-smile at a party before she heads to the punch bowl.

If you’re getting strings of hollow “Haha” texts, sprinkle in a thought-provoking question.

Should silence follow, you’ll know the humor isn’t the issue—the interest level is.

Final thoughts

You might have read my post on setting healthy boundaries, and the same principle applies here: clarity over confusion.

None of these phrases make a woman the villain.

Most of us were raised to soften blows, especially in dating.

But you’re not powerless.

Recognize the signals, respond with respect, and redirect your time toward someone who texts with enthusiasm—not obligation.

At the end of the day, dating is a two-way street.

When words and actions align, the journey feels effortless.

When they don’t, trust what you see, not what you hope to see.

Here’s to more honest conversations—and less screen-staring doubt—in your love life.