It’s a truth universally acknowledged – we all know someone who somehow manages to steer every conversation back to themselves. But did you know that psychology has a lot to say about this behavior?
According to many psychologists, this “me, me, me” mentality can be indicative of certain personality traits. The question is – how do you spot them?
In this article, we’ll be diving into the 7 traits often found in people who have a knack for making every conversation about themselves. And don’t worry, we’re keeping things simple and conversational – no need for a psychology degree here!
So, if you’re curious to learn more about what drives these self-centred conversationalists, read on. It’s time to decode the psychology behind the constant spotlight stealers in our lives.
1) They’re often the ‘star’ of their stories
Ever noticed how some people always find a way to circle back to their own experiences in every conversation? That’s not just your imagination – psychology has an explanation for it.
According to famed psychologist, Carl Rogers, individuals who constantly make themselves the center of every conversation could exhibit a trait known as ‘egocentrism‘.
This basically means they have an inability to differentiate between their own perspective and that of others.
In simple terms, it’s a “me-first” mentality. They believe their experiences, thoughts and opinions are the most relevant and important – so naturally, they dominate the conversation. It’s like they’re the lead actor in a movie and everyone else is just playing a supporting role.
But remember, this trait doesn’t necessarily mean they’re a bad person. It could be a coping mechanism or even an unconscious habit. Understanding this can help us navigate conversations with them more effectively, without allowing our patience to wear thin.
2) They tend to lack empathy
Here’s a story from my own experience. I remember having a friend who would always talk about her achievements, her life, her problems.
Once, I was going through a tough time and decided to confide in her. Instead of offering comfort or advice, she somehow managed to turn the conversation around to her own struggles.
It was then that I realized she didn’t just like talking about herself, she also lacked empathy. It wasn’t that she didn’t care, but rather she struggled to understand and share the feelings of others.
Empathy forms one of the key components of emotional intelligence – the ability to understand and manage our own emotions, and those of the people around us.
It’s not just important for work, but for all interpersonal relationships.
Looking back at my friend’s behavior through this lens of psychology, I learned not to take her self-centeredness personally. It wasn’t about me – it was about her lack of emotional intelligence.
3) They crave validation
Ever met someone who just can’t seem to get enough praise or recognition?
I’ve had those encounters, and they’re usually with people who make every conversation about themselves. They’re constantly seeking approval or compliments, and often it’s because they’re looking for a confidence boost.
Psychologist Abraham Maslow, best known for creating Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, highlighted the importance of esteem needs, which encompasses feelings of accomplishment and the desire for recognition.
Maslow stated, “What a man can be, he must be. This need we call self-actualization.”
The constant need for validation can sometimes be a desperate attempt to fulfill these esteem needs. They might believe that by being the main character in every conversation, they’re fulfilling their potential and gaining the recognition they desire.
This isn’t an easy trait to manage – but understanding it can help us respond with more empathy and less frustration. After all, we all have our struggles – some of us just wear them more openly than others.
4) They struggle with active listening
Another common trait among individuals who make every conversation about themselves is that they are typically poor listeners. They often interrupt or dismiss what others are saying in order to bring the focus back to themselves.
A study published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology found that individuals who talk more about themselves have less gray matter in a region of the brain associated with social cognition and empathy.
This could potentially explain why they struggle to actively listen and engage in balanced conversations.
The researchers found that these individuals often display “conversational narcissism“, a term coined by sociologist Charles Derber. It refers to the tendency to turn the conversation back to oneself, usually subtly and unconsciously.
If we know they struggle with active listening, we can attempt to guide the conversation in a way that ensures everyone feels heard and valued.
5) They have a constant need to impress
Have you ever had conversations with someone who always seems to have a bigger, better story to tell? I have, and it’s exhausting. It’s like being in an unspoken competition where they’re the only ones competing.
This constant need to impress is another trait common among those who make every conversation about themselves. They feel a compelling need to prove their worth or superiority, often turning simple conversations into showcases of their achievements or capabilities.
Understanding this trait doesn’t make those one-upping stories any less frustrating to listen to, but it does offer some perspective.
While it might seem like they’re boasting, they might just be trying to prove their worth in the only way they know how.
6) They might struggle with low self-esteem
It might seem counterintuitive, but often, those who incessantly talk about themselves might actually be battling low self-esteem. Paradoxically, their self-centeredness can be a mask for deeply-rooted insecurities.
From the outside, these individuals may appear confident and self-assured.
However, the constant need to steer conversations towards themselves could actually be a plea for validation and acceptance. By always keeping the spotlight on them, they are trying to convince themselves – and others – of their worth.
Recognizing this can change how we interact with these individuals. Instead of getting frustrated by their self-centeredness, we can choose to respond with empathy – understanding that beneath their bravado, they might just be trying to accept themselves completely.
7) They may lack self-awareness
Finally, a common trait among those who make every conversation about themselves is a lack of self-awareness. They might simply be oblivious to the impact of their behavior on others.
Psychologist Daniel Goleman, known for his work on emotional intelligence, once said, “Self-awareness is not an attention that gets turned on once in a while. It’s a state of ongoing mindfulness.”
Those who constantly shift the focus to themselves may not realize they’re doing it or understand how it affects those around them. Recognizing this can help us approach such conversations with more patience and understanding.
Final thoughts
Understanding the complexities of human behavior is no simple task. But as we delve into the depths of psychology, we can gain insights that help us navigate our interactions with more empathy and understanding.
If you’ve ever found yourself frustrated by someone who turns every conversation towards themselves, remember what we’ve discussed today.
Whether it’s an inflated ego, a cry for validation, a lack of empathy, or perhaps a combination of these traits – there’s always more than meets the eye.
The next time you find yourself in conversation with someone like this, try to view their actions through this new lens. Understanding doesn’t necessarily mean accepting or excusing behavior – but it can make our interactions more empathetic, patient, and ultimately, more fulfilling.
As we conclude this exploration into self-centered conversationalists, remember – each one of us is a complex tapestry woven from our unique traits, experiences, and struggles. The beauty lies in embracing this complexity – in others, and in ourselves.
