There’s a thin line between guiding someone and controlling them.
The key lies in the intent. When someone tries to control you, they’re subtly steering your actions to fit their desired outcomes, often masking their true motives.
On the flip side, guidance is about helping you make informed decisions, while leaving the final choice up to you.
Well, folks, there are certain phrases that people use when they’re trying to control you subtly. Being aware of these can help you sidestep manipulation and maintain control of your choices.
Let’s dive into these 8 subtle phrases that hint someone might be trying to control you.
1) You should…
It’s no secret that language plays a vital role in our relationships, professional or personal.
And one phrase that often conceals a controlling intent is “You should…”.
This seemingly harmless phrase can become a powerful tool of control when used with the wrong intentions.
The person uttering these words might believe they’re offering sound advice. But what they’re actually doing is subtly imposing their ideas, beliefs, or decisions onto you.
It’s a way of saying, “Do this because I think it’s best”, without giving you room to consider if it’s what you truly want or need.
Remember, guidance is about presenting options and opinions while leaving the final decision up to you. So if someone frequently tells you what you ‘should’ do, they might be trying to control your actions, not guide them.
Stay aware and maintain your autonomy.
2) Trust me on this…
In my own personal experience, I’ve found that the phrase “Trust me on this…” is often a red flag.
Now don’t get me wrong, trusting someone’s judgment isn’t the issue. It becomes a problem when this phrase is used to dismiss your doubts and avoid explaining their reasoning.
I remember a time when a former colleague would regularly start his advice with “Trust me on this…”. Initially, I took his words at face value because we were friends. But over time, I noticed a pattern. Each time he used that phrase, it was to push his ideas forward without considering my input or feelings.
He wasn’t interested in open dialogue or understanding my perspective. He just wanted me to go along with his plans. And that’s when I realized—he was subtly trying to control the situation and my actions.
If someone uses the phrase “Trust me on this…” often, be cautious. It may be a subtle attempt to control you by exploiting your trust.
3) Everyone else thinks…
“Everyone else thinks…” is a phrase often used to control or manipulate. It’s a sly way of applying peer pressure, making you feel like your opinion is the outlier and should be changed.
Interestingly, psychological studies have shown that humans are wired to conform. In a classic experiment by Solomon Asch in the 1950s, participants were more likely to agree with an obviously incorrect answer if the majority of people around them endorsed it.
This reveals how powerful the desire to fit in can be. So when someone tells you “everyone else thinks…”, they’re playing on your instinct to conform to the group.
But remember, just because ‘everyone else’ supposedly thinks something, doesn’t make it right or true. Your thoughts and opinions are valid, even if they’re different from the crowd’s.
4) I don’t mean to interfere, but…
“I don’t mean to interfere, but…” is another phrase that can indicate someone’s attempt at control. The person using this phrase is essentially trying to soften the blow of what they’re about to say.
Here’s the catch. The very act of saying they don’t want to interfere is often a clear sign that they’re about to do just that.
By prefacing their statement this way, they’re subtly trying to justify their interference in your decisions or actions. It’s as if they’re saying, “I know I shouldn’t be meddling, but I’m going to do it anyway.”
So next time you hear “I don’t mean to interfere, but…”, be alert. It might be a sign that the person is trying to control your decisions or actions subtly.
5) It’s for your own good…
The phrase “It’s for your own good…” can tug at your heartstrings. It’s often used by people who genuinely care about us and want the best for us. But it can also be a veiled attempt at control.
When someone tells you that something is for your own good, it implies they believe they know better than you about what’s beneficial for you. This assumption can strip away your autonomy and make you feel obliged to follow their direction.
Sometimes, the hardest thing to remember is that people who love us can also attempt to control us, even if unintentionally. It’s crucial to recognize this and maintain the right to make our own decisions, even when facing heartfelt pleas like “It’s for your own good…”.
6) Don’t you trust me?
“Don’t you trust me?” is a phrase that can be particularly challenging to navigate. It’s often used to shift the focus from the issue at hand to your trust in the person.
There was a time when a close friend used this phrase on me. We were disagreeing about something, and instead of addressing my concerns, they asked, “Don’t you trust me?”. It made me second guess myself, and I ended up giving in.
Looking back, I realize it wasn’t about trust. They were using this phrase as a diversion, an attempt to control the situation and avoid addressing my concerns.
It’s important to remember that trust doesn’t mean blind agreement. You can trust someone and still question their decisions or ideas. Don’t let the phrase “Don’t you trust me?” sway you from your stance.
7) If I were you…
The phrase “If I were you…” may sound like empathetic advice, but it can often be a subtle way of imposing one’s views onto you.
When someone says “If I were you…”, they’re not just sharing advice. They’re inserting themselves into your situation and suggesting what they would do, based on their own values, beliefs, and experiences.
This may seem helpful, but it subtly takes away your freedom to make decisions based on your unique perspective and circumstances. Instead of supporting you in finding your solution, they’re prescribing their solution for you.
Remember, you are not them, and they are not you. You have the right to make decisions that align with your values and life experiences, not anyone else’s. So if someone frequently uses the phrase “If I were you…”, be aware that they may be trying to control you subtly.
8) Because I said so…
“Because I said so…” is perhaps the most direct phrase signaling someone’s attempt to control you. It’s a clear sign of authority being used to dictate your actions rather than guide them.
When someone resorts to “Because I said so…”, they’re not interested in your thoughts or feelings about the matter. They simply want their way, and they’re using their authority or perceived superiority to get it.
This phrase leaves no room for discussion or compromise. It’s a command, not a suggestion.
Remember, you have the right to question and challenge decisions that affect you. Don’t let “Because I said so…” deter you from expressing your thoughts and making your own choices.
The power of self-awareness
Unraveling the subtleties of human interaction and the dynamics of control can be complex, yet enlightening.
Recognizing the phrases indicative of subtle control is not about fostering suspicion towards every conversation, but about enhancing your self-awareness.
Realizing these patterns can empower you to assert your autonomy and maintain healthy boundaries. It’s a step towards understanding your worth and the respect you deserve in every interaction.
The philosopher Socrates famously stated, “An unexamined life is not worth living.” This quote holds true in our interpersonal relationships as well. Examining the language used by others towards us, and its implications, is a critical part of that examination.
Be aware. Be informed. And above all, stay true to yourself. Your thoughts, feelings, and decisions are valid, regardless of what anyone else might suggest.
