I’m all for honesty.
I believe in good conversations, meaningful friendships, and saying what you mean when the moment calls for it.
But there’s a difference between being open and being exposed.
Some things in life are personal for a reason—and not everyone needs a front-row seat to your private story.
In this world of social media confessions and oversharing at barbecues, it’s easy to forget that your privacy is worth something. You don’t have to spill your guts to feel seen.
So here are a few things I’ve learned—often the hard way—that are best kept for the people who’ve earned your trust.
1. The full story of your childhood wounds
We all have them.
Some people were neglected. Some were criticized into silence. Some were raised with love that came with conditions.
Talking about it can be healing—but only in the right setting.
Telling someone about the time your father left or your mother’s drinking habits isn’t something you owe to anyone who asks, “So what was your childhood like?”
That’s your story. You get to decide who gets the long version.
2. How much money you make (or don’t)
This one sneaks into conversations more than it should.
Sometimes it’s subtle. Sometimes it’s downright bragging or confessing.
Either way, sharing your financial details with people who don’t need to know can change how they see you—whether they mean to or not.
Envy, judgment, pity… none of those help build strong relationships.
Keep your numbers to yourself unless there’s a good reason to share them.
3. The exact reasons a relationship ended
It’s tempting to vent.
To tell your coworkers why your last partner was a disaster or explain to a neighbor why your ex “wasn’t who they seemed to be.”
But if the breakup was messy—or even just personal—those details can do more harm than good when repeated casually.
You’re not obligated to protect the other person’s reputation, but you are responsible for protecting your own peace.
Give people the outline if you need to.
Save the raw pages for the ones who’ve earned your trust.
4. Your biggest regrets
We all have things we’d take back if we could.
Something we said to our child in anger. A moment when we stayed silent instead of standing up. A chance we let pass.
But those kinds of regrets carry weight. And once they’re out in the open, not everyone knows how to handle them with care.
Telling the wrong person can leave you feeling even more exposed, or worse—used.
Share your regrets with someone who listens without trying to fix you. Or shame you. Or retell your story like it’s theirs.
5. Your spiritual doubts or beliefs—unless it’s safe to
Faith, or the lack of it, is deeply personal.
I’ve had quiet doubts in my life I didn’t know how to put into words, and beliefs I hold now that I wouldn’t want judged in passing conversation.
You don’t have to hide who you are.
But if your beliefs matter to you—and especially if they’re in flux—be careful who you invite into that space.
Sometimes it’s better to wrestle with those questions in private, or with someone who’s wrestled, too.
6. Intimate details about your partner
This one can get slippery fast.
What starts as a funny story or a venting session can turn into a long monologue about your spouse’s habits, faults, or private moments.
It’s one thing to say, “We’ve been in a tough patch.”
It’s another to say, “He hasn’t touched me in months and I’m starting to wonder if he even likes me.”
That second sentence doesn’t go away once you say it.
And if your relationship recovers? The person who heard it may never see your partner the same way again.
7. The worst thing you’ve ever done
There are people in life who can hold your darkest moments with care.
And then there are people who collect them like gossip currency.
Be careful who you confess to.
I’m not saying you should carry guilt forever. I’m saying not everyone knows how to hold your pain without turning it into a story for someone else.
If you need to get something off your chest, start with a therapist. Or someone who’s shown you—over time—that they can sit with your shame without flinching.
8. Your deepest fears
We all walk around with a few fears that live deep under the surface.
The fear of dying alone. The fear that we’ve wasted time. The fear that we’re hard to love.
Those kinds of fears are sacred.
They’re not meant for people who’ll toss them into casual conversation or use them to poke holes in your confidence later.
Share them with someone who’s proven they’ll hold them like they matter.
Because they do.
9. Passwords, keys, and access to your life
It’s amazing how often we hand over digital or physical access in the name of convenience.
An ex once knew all my logins. I didn’t think twice about it—until we split, and I had to race to change every password.
Keep your digital house as secure as your physical one.
Don’t give out keys—literal or metaphorical—to people who haven’t shown they know how to lock the door behind them.
10. The big dream you haven’t spoken out loud yet
This one’s close to the heart.
Maybe it’s a move you’re thinking about. A book you want to write. A shift you want to make in your career or your family.
If that dream still feels tender, don’t expose it too early.
There’s a kind of power in letting your dream grow quietly, in the dark, until it’s ready for light.
Other people’s skepticism can snuff out a perfectly good idea before it even has a chance.
Protect your momentum.
You can share the dream later—once it’s strong enough to stand on its own.
Final thought
You don’t have to live in secrecy.
But you are allowed to live with discretion.
Not every person who’s nice to you has earned access to your personal life.
Not every friendly conversation needs to turn into a confessional.
Ask yourself, “Is this person safe?”
Have they listened before without judgment?
Do they know how to hold what I give them without dropping it?
And if the answer’s no—close the door.
Not because you’re guarded.
But because you’ve learned to protect what matters.
