If you’ve ever caught yourself thinking, “I want to stay close to my kids as we all grow older,” you’re definitely not alone.
It’s a sentiment that comes up often among friends, colleagues, and even readers here at DM News, as we collectively grow older and more introspective.
I’m a firm believer that a solid parent-child bond isn’t just about providing for them when they’re young—it’s also about how you continue to show up for them as life evolves.
Sometimes, though, what holds us back are old habits and mindsets that can quietly drive a wedge between us and our children.
Let’s get to it.
Stop expecting your kids to fulfill your dreams
It’s natural to want the best for your children.
Maybe you dream they’ll go to medical school, start a tech company, or become the next big social media influencer. But if we start turning those dreams into expectations, we risk ignoring who our kids truly are.
One of my friends was a high-performing athlete in college, and it was tough watching him push his own kids into competitive sports they didn’t love.
After a while, his kids just stopped talking to him about their interests, which led to a massive disconnect in their relationship.
Parenting is a journey of mutual growth, not about forcing your child to live out the life you wish you had.
Letting them explore their own paths invites them to share their victories, struggles, and personal goals with you, genuinely strengthening that bond.
Stop brushing off their feelings
Kids, whether they’re toddlers or teenagers, have complex emotions.
It’s easy for us as parents to say things like, “You’ll get over it,” or “That’s not a big deal,” without realizing how dismissive it sounds. Over time, children might believe that their feelings don’t matter, and they’ll stop coming to you with their problems.
Validating a child’s emotional experience fosters trust and deeper communication. When your child is upset or anxious, stopping to genuinely listen—even if the problem seems trivial to you—can make a world of difference.
People who become more physically attractive as they get older usually practice these 7 daily habitsHere’s the thing: your kids need to know that you’re their safe space.
Show them that their emotions are valid. That simple shift alone can help you connect with them well into their adult years.
Stop letting screens replace face-to-face time
We live in a world of constant digital stimulation. It’s fun to send silly memes or keep track of your family’s group chat, but screens can quickly take over more meaningful interactions. This doesn’t just apply to your kids; it goes for us parents, too.
I’ve caught myself doomscrolling on social media while one of my nephews tried telling me a story about something at school.
After a few minutes, he just gave up and walked away. It was a wake-up call. If we continuously prioritize notifications and messages over real-time conversations, we unintentionally send a message that our devices are more important.
If we truly want to build a strong bond with our children, we need to switch that dynamic.
Yes, tech has its place—and it can even be a bonding tool—but not when it replaces face-to-face connection on a regular basis.
Stop ignoring the power of shared experiences
Sometimes, the best moments with your children happen in unexpected places: a weekend hike, trying a new recipe in the kitchen, or attending a small local festival.
These shared experiences create the kind of memories that bind people together over time.
When I was living in Southern California, I used to take regular road trips along the coast on weekends.
A friend of mine started bringing his teenage daughter along. She’d initially complain about being “stuck in a car,” but after a few of these trips, she’d be the first to load up on snacks and propose new spots to check out.
That tradition became something they still talk about today, years later.
You don’t have to plan elaborate family vacations abroad (though that’s cool if you can).
Instead, look for small, frequent moments to experience something together: cooking dinners, volunteering locally, or even building a puzzle on the living room floor.
These shared adventures strengthen communication and cultivate a sense of camaraderie that kids value more than you might realize.
Stop with the “my way or the highway” approach
Being a parent obviously involves rules and guidelines.
But when everything turns into “Because I said so,” you shut down opportunities for healthy dialogue. The older your kids get, the more important it becomes to welcome their input.
I’ve heard countless stories where parents insisted their word was final about everything—even minor decisions like what movies to watch or what clothes to buy.
Over time, children might comply outwardly but grow distant emotionally. You can almost see them rolling their eyes because they know their opinions don’t matter in the household.
As kids become teens and young adults, they develop their own thoughts, values, and beliefs.
Inviting them to talk things through—especially on bigger issues like career choices or social activities—shows them that you respect their ability to think critically. The goal isn’t to let them run the show; it’s to make sure they know they have a voice.
Stop using guilt and shame as motivators
Sometimes, guilt can seem like a quick fix to get compliance. You might say something like, “Do you know how much I sacrificed for you?” or “You’re making me feel terrible right now.”
In the moment, it might get them to clean their room or study harder, but the cost is huge in the long run.
Shame and guilt are corrosive forces that can disconnect people from one another. If your child feels constantly judged or guilt-tripped, they’ll start to hide aspects of their life from you—especially once they’re old enough to manage their own affairs.
They’ll avoid opening up about mistakes or struggles, for fear of being shamed.
Shifting away from shame-based language to a more empathetic approach takes practice. It might mean pausing, taking a breath, and calmly asking them how they feel or what’s blocking them from doing what needs to be done.
People who become more physically attractive as they get older usually practice these 7 daily habitsIt’s a small tweak, but the emotional impact on your relationship can be massive.
Stop forgetting your own self-care
This might sound a bit counterintuitive when the focus is on your children, but hear me out: if you constantly burn yourself out for your family, you risk showing up less fully for them.
Think about it—kids notice everything. If you’re always stressed, exhausted, or irritable, it shapes their experience of family life.
And if your kids see you neglecting your well-being, they might grow up thinking that’s the norm. Eventually, it becomes harder to be patient, engaged, and genuinely present.
I learned this the hard way back in my digital marketing days. I was juggling late-night client calls, skipping meals, and barely had the energy to say “Goodnight” to the people around me.
Once I started prioritizing healthy boundaries—shutting off emails at a certain time, going for walks, and actually sleeping—it was amazing how quickly my mood changed.
Suddenly, I had the mental space to listen better, offer support, and share laughs with my loved ones. Self-care isn’t selfish—it’s a key ingredient for building and maintaining healthy relationships with your children.
Putting it all together
Raising kids is never easy, but it becomes even trickier when we hold onto outdated or damaging behaviors. Whether it’s letting go of rigid expectations, staying present instead of glued to a screen, or ditching shame-based tactics, every change you make can lead to a healthier parent-child connection.
As we grow older with our kids, our relationships will keep evolving. There will be times they need us to guide them, and times we need to step back so they can carve out their own path.
By focusing on open communication, meaningful shared experiences, and genuine respect for who they are becoming, we create a strong, lasting bond that stands the test of time.
Sure, it takes effort to reflect on our own habits, but the result is worth it. A truly fulfilling relationship with your children starts by saying goodbye to the behaviors that stand in the way.
