My grandfather once shared a pearl of wisdom – “To earn respect, you must first give it.”
This nugget of truth rings particularly true when it comes to parenting. As our children grow older, maintaining their respect can sometimes feel like walking a tightrope.
And let’s face it, navigating the waters of parenthood is no easy feat.
But here’s the kicker.
Unknowingly, you might be displaying behaviors that could be pushing your children away, rather than fostering a relationship based on mutual respect.
If you find yourself pondering, “How can I ensure my children maintain their respect for me as they age?”, it’s time to take a closer look at your own habits.
Stick around as we delve into seven behaviors that could unknowingly be impacting your child’s respect for you.
Remember, it’s never too late for some self-improvement. Especially when it comes to building stronger bonds with those who matter most – our children.
1) Not listening actively
It’s simple really – when you listen, you show respect.
Now, you might think, “I do listen to my children!” But there’s a stark difference between merely hearing and actively listening.
Active listening involves fully engaging with what your child is saying, showing empathy, and responding thoughtfully. It’s about making them feel heard and valued.
Unfortunately, the hustle and bustle of life can often lead us to unintentionally disregard our children’s words.
We might nod absent-mindedly while scrolling through emails or offer a generic “Mmm-hmm” without really processing what they’re saying.
But here’s the thing – children are perceptive. They can sense when you’re not fully present in the conversation. And over time, this can erode their respect for you.
Make a conscious effort to be an active listener. Put away distractions, maintain eye contact, and respond meaningfully.
It might seem trivial, but this simple act can go a long way in maintaining your child’s respect as they grow older.
2) Breaking promises
When I was a kid, my dad once promised to take me to a baseball game. I was thrilled and waited eagerly for the day.
But when the day arrived, he got tied up with work and we didn’t go. I felt let down and, honestly, a bit less trusting of his word.
Now, as a parent myself, I understand that sometimes life gets in the way of our best intentions. However, it’s critical to realize the impact this can have on our children’s respect for us.
Promises – big or small – are a matter of trust. Each broken promise chips away at your child’s trust and respect for you.
Try to avoid making promises you’re not sure you can keep. And if circumstances do prevent you from keeping a promise, it’s important to explain this to your child and apologize.
They’ll appreciate your honesty and it will reinforce their respect for you.
After all, actions speak louder than words – and consistent actions of integrity speak volumes about your character to your children.
3)Dismissing their emotions
Picture this – your child comes home, teary-eyed, because they didn’t get picked for the school play. Your immediate reaction might be to say, “Oh, it’s just a play. Don’t worry about it.”
But in that moment, to your child, it’s not “just” a play. It feels like their world is crumbling. And by dismissing their feelings, you’re inadvertently teaching them that their emotions are not valid or important.
This can lead to them feeling misunderstood and disconnected from you – which can, over time, result in a loss of respect.
What’s the alternative?
Validate their emotions. Let them know it’s okay to feel upset or disappointed. Provide comfort and reassurance.
Remember, it’s not just about the ‘big’ moments in life; how you respond to the ‘small’ moments can be equally impactful.
Let’s strive to foster an environment where our children feel safe expressing their emotions. This will not only help maintain their respect for you as they grow older but will also teach them the importance of emotional intelligence.
4) Not respecting their independence
As a parent, it’s hard to let go. I get it. We often feel the need to step in, to guide, and sometimes, even control. But as our children grow older, it’s crucial we allow them the space to explore their independence.
Imagine this – your teenager wants to choose their college major, but you’re insistent on them following a path you think is best for them.
In doing so, you’re not only undermining their ability to make decisions but also disrespecting their individuality.
This kind of behavior can lead to feelings of resentment and a loss of respect.
The remedy?
Encourage autonomy. Respect their choices. Trust them to make decisions and learn from their mistakes.
Remember, we’re not just raising children; we’re raising future adults. Allowing them the freedom to make choices – and sometimes fail – is part of that journey.
Respect their independence and they’ll respect you in return, even as they grow older.
5) Lacking consistency
Did you know our brains are wired to crave predictability? It’s true. Consistency provides a sense of security and stability, which are essential for healthy development.
But when it comes to parenting, inconsistency can often creep in without us even realizing.
One day, we might be strict about bedtime; the next, we let it slide. Or perhaps we react differently to the same behavior depending on our mood.
While it might seem harmless, this lack of consistency can be confusing for children. It can lead them to question your reliability and, in turn, their respect for you.
Strive for consistency. Establish clear expectations and follow through with them. Be consistent with your words, actions, and reactions.
Consistency not only fosters respect but also helps develop trust – a crucial ingredient in any relationship, especially between parents and children.
6) Forgetting to apologize
We’re all human. We make mistakes, including as parents. There might be times when we lose our temper, say something we don’t mean, or are unfair in our judgement.
In these moments, it’s easy to let pride get in the way and avoid apologizing, especially to our children. After all, we’re the adults, right?
Wrong.
Apologizing when we’re wrong doesn’t diminish our authority as parents; instead, it models important values like humility, responsibility, and respect.
When we say “I’m sorry” to our children, we’re acknowledging our mistakes and showing them that we value their feelings. This not only strengthens our bond with them but also enhances their respect for us.
Next time you make a mistake, don’t shy away from saying those two powerful words to your child: “I’m sorry.” It’s a simple act of kindness that can have profound effects on your relationship.
7) Failing to lead by example
The most impactful lessons our children learn are not from what we say, but from what we do. Our actions speak louder than any lecture or advice we could ever give.
If we want our children to respect us as they grow older, we need to embody the qualities we wish to see in them.
Whether it’s honesty, kindness, or perseverance – when they see these traits in our actions, they’re more likely to adopt them as their own.
Strive to be the person you want your child to become. Your words may guide them, but your actions will truly shape them. And in the process, you’ll earn their lifelong respect.
Final thoughts
Recognize any of these behaviors in your own parenting style? Don’t worry. We’re all a work in progress.
The beauty of parenthood lies in its room for growth, both for us and our children. Awareness is the first step towards change, so congratulate yourself for identifying these behaviors.
Remember, it’s not about being a perfect parent, but about being a present one. It’s about showing up, learning from our mistakes, and continuously striving to be better.
It’s okay to falter. It’s okay to not have all the answers. Your children don’t expect you to be infallible, but they do look up to you as their role model.
So start today. Make small changes. Apologize when you’re wrong. Listen more attentively. Be consistent and lead by example.
In doing so, not only will you foster respect that stands the test of time, but you’ll also be guiding your children towards becoming respectful individuals themselves.
Parenting is the hardest job in the world, but it’s also the most rewarding. And remember – even on the toughest days, you’re doing better than you think.
