Let me tell you something I’ve learned after being married for several decades: real strength in a relationship doesn’t always look like grand gestures or never having a single argument.
Sometimes, the signs that your relationship is solid are far more subtle—and often overlooked.
I’ve had my fair share of ups and downs, just like anyone who’s been in a long-term relationship. But if there’s one thing time has taught me, it’s that what holds a couple together isn’t some flashy, Instagram-worthy romance. It’s the small, steady habits that show up day after day.
So if you’re wondering whether your relationship is built to last, here are seven things to look for. If you’ve got most of these, I’d say you’re doing better than you think.
1. You feel safe being your full self
Ever felt like you had to walk on eggshells with someone? That’s not what I’d call a healthy relationship.
In a strong partnership, you can let your guard down. You’re not afraid to show your quirks, your fears, or even your grumpy side after a long day. You feel accepted, not judged.
I’ve had days when I’ve been tired or downright irritable—and my wife knows it. But instead of reacting, she gives me space, or asks if I want to talk.
That kind of emotional safety doesn’t come overnight. It’s built through trust, listening, and countless quiet moments of just being there for each other.
And let’s not forget how important it is to feel heard. When someone listens without trying to fix you or argue back, it gives you permission to be fully human. That kind of emotional freedom is the bedrock of a secure relationship.
2. You know how to fight well
Sounds strange, I know—but hear me out. Every couple argues. But it’s how you handle those disagreements that makes all the difference.
Do you yell and storm off, or do you find a way back to the conversation? Do you get stuck in blame, or focus on finding a solution?
In strong relationships, people know how to disagree without destroying each other in the process.
As Dr. John Gottman, a well-known relationship researcher, has noted: “It’s not the appearance of conflict, but how it’s managed that predicts the success or failure of a relationship.”
That’s why repair is so important. Saying, “I was wrong” or “Let’s try again tomorrow” can work wonders.
I’ve seen couples who scream and slam doors, and others who sit quietly and freeze each other out. Neither method helps.
But when there’s a commitment to come back to the table—even when tempers flare—that’s a sign of real maturity and care.
3. You genuinely like each other
I know that might sound obvious—but it’s amazing how many couples stick together out of habit or obligation.
Do you actually enjoy spending time with your partner? Do you laugh together? Can you sit in silence without feeling awkward?
Liking each other is different from just loving each other. Love can be there through duty, but liking someone is what makes the relationship fun.
My wife and I still tease each other, still share inside jokes, and still enjoy sitting on the porch watching the neighborhood go by. That counts for a lot.
When you like someone, you’re more patient with their flaws. You’re more inclined to give them the benefit of the doubt. And that liking? It keeps the spark alive in ways big romantic gestures often don’t.
4. You respect each other’s independence
This one’s a biggie. A strong relationship doesn’t mean you do everything together or always think the same way. It means you can give each other space without feeling threatened by it.
I’ve got hobbies she doesn’t share, and vice versa. And that’s okay. We both need room to grow as individuals.
This kind of mutual respect creates breathing room. And as I once read in a book on aging and relationships, “Two strong trees can share the same soil without tangling roots.”
Healthy boundaries aren’t walls—they’re bridges. When each person feels free to explore their own interests, they tend to come back to the relationship more fulfilled, more curious, and more generous.
5. You have shared values
You don’t need to agree on everything. But the big stuff? That’s where alignment matters.
How do you both view family, money, honesty, and kindness? What kind of life do you want to build together?
When you’re on the same page about core values, everything else tends to fall into place more easily. Sure, you might bicker over who forgot to buy milk—but when it comes to the direction of your lives, you’re paddling in the same direction.
And here’s the thing: values often reveal themselves in decisions. How you spend your time, how you talk about people, how you deal with setbacks. If those things are generally aligned, it’s a good sign your foundation is strong.
6. You support each other’s goals
One thing I’ve always appreciated in my marriage is that we cheer each other on.
When I decided to switch careers late in life and start writing more seriously, my wife didn’t roll her eyes. She encouraged me.
In the same way, when she wanted to return to school to study something new in her 50s, I made sure she had the time and space to do it.
In a strong relationship, your partner doesn’t just tolerate your dreams—they get behind them. They believe in your potential, even when you’re feeling unsure yourself.
This doesn’t mean they agree with every idea. But they show interest. They ask questions. They offer help when you hit a wall. And sometimes, they remind you of your own strengths when you forget them.
7. You can be quiet together
Not everything needs to be a deep conversation or a big romantic gesture. Some of the most telling moments in a relationship happen in the quiet.
Can you sit in the same room, doing separate things, and feel completely at ease? Can you take a walk without needing to fill every silence with words?
That kind of ease is what happens when two people are truly comfortable with each other. It’s not flashy—but boy, is it beautiful.
When silence isn’t awkward, it means trust is present. It means you don’t need to perform or entertain. And often, it’s in those quiet spaces where the most tender kind of love resides.
Wrapping up
If you see yourself in most of these points, then I’d say your relationship has more going for it than you might’ve realized.
It’s easy to overlook the quiet signs of strength—especially when we’re bombarded with polished images of “perfect” couples online.
But real connection shows up in the day-to-day: in patience, in laughter, in shared values, and in the small ways you choose each other again and again.
So here’s my question for you: which of these seven habits do you see most clearly in your own relationship—and which one could use a little more attention?
