There’s a fine line between love and habit.
Sometimes we find ourselves caught in a relationship for longer than we should. It’s like we’re stuck in a hamster wheel, going round and round in the same emotional loops.
Psychology weighs in on this predicament, explaining.
It suggests that we often get trapped in seven specific emotional loops that keep us tethered to a relationship long past its expiration date.
In this article, I’ll take you through these seven emotional loops, unraveling why they keep us stuck.
Just like editing a long-winded draft, understanding these loops can help us trim the fat from our relationships, enhancing their quality while making sure we’re investing our time and emotions wisely.
So, if you’ve ever felt like you’re running on the relationship treadmill, stay tuned. You might just find the exit button you’ve been searching for.
1) Fear of the unknown
One of the most common emotional loops that keeps us clinging to a relationship beyond its due date is the fear of the unknown.
It’s human nature to seek comfort in familiarity, even if the familiar isn’t necessarily good for us.
Leaving a long-term relationship often means stepping into uncharted territory, and that can be terrifying.
Renowned psychologist Carl Jung once said, “The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely.”
In other words, finding ourselves outside a relationship forces us to confront who we are, without the safety net of a significant other.
And so, we stick around. We settle for the known devil, rather than embracing the unknown angel.
It’s an instinct, but acknowledging this fear is the first step to breaking free from this emotional loop.
Just like proofreading a manuscript for errors and inconsistencies, identifying our own emotional pitfalls can go a long way in improving our relational dynamics.
It’s about pushing past our comfort zones and embracing change for better clarity and quality in our relationships.
2) Investment bias
Another emotional loop that’s hard to escape is what psychologists call the “sunk cost fallacy” or investment bias.
This is when we stay in a relationship longer than necessary because of the time, effort, and resources we’ve already invested in it.
We think to ourselves, “I’ve put so much into this relationship; I can’t just walk away.”
I recall a relationship from my early twenties. We were together for four years and, honestly, the last two were a struggle.
We had grown apart, but I kept thinking about the years we had spent together, the memories we had created. It felt like leaving was wasting all of that.
But as the famous psychologist Sigmund Freud once said, “We are never so defenseless against suffering as when we love.”
Sometimes, we continue to invest in a relationship that’s causing us pain because we’re attached to our initial investment.
Recognizing this bias can help us break free from this emotional loop and make decisions based not on past investments but on present reality and future potential.
Like editing a document, sometimes it’s about deleting and starting afresh rather than trying to fix what’s fundamentally flawed.
3) Need for validation
Do you ever feel like your worth is tied up in your relationship status? If so, you’re not alone. The need for validation is a strong emotional loop that keeps us stuck in unhealthy relationships.
We often stay in relationships because we desperately seek approval and validation from our partners. We believe that if we’re loved by them, it proves that we’re lovable and worthy.
It’s a dangerous cycle because our self-worth should never be dependent on someone else’s opinion or feelings towards us.
The famous psychologist Abraham Maslow once said, “What is necessary to change a person is to change his awareness of himself.”
Recognizing that our worth is not defined by our relationship status is a powerful step towards breaking this emotional loop.
It’s like editing a piece of writing. Just because one editor doesn’t appreciate it doesn’t mean it’s not good. It’s about finding the right audience that recognizes its value.
Similarly, it’s essential to find that validation within ourselves and not rely on others for it.
4) Fear of being alone
The fear of being alone is another emotional loop that can keep us trapped in a relationship that’s past its prime.
We often choose to stay in an unhappy relationship rather than face the prospect of being single.
A study conducted by the University of Toronto found that fear of being single is a significant predictor of settling for less in relationships.
The research found that individuals with stronger fears about being single are willing to settle for less in their love lives, staying in unsatisfying relationships, and dating people who fall short of their standards.
Just like editing a document, sometimes it’s about cutting out the parts that no longer serve the whole.
It’s important to realize that being alone can be an opportunity for growth and self-discovery, rather than something to be feared.
5) Comfort in familiarity
There’s something comforting about the familiar, isn’t there? Even when it’s not entirely positive, we often gravitate towards what we know because it feels safe.
This comfort in familiarity is another emotional loop that can keep us stuck in a relationship.
In my own life, I’ve noticed this pattern. I stayed in a job I didn’t love because it was familiar. The same can happen in relationships. We stick with what we know, even when it no longer serves us.
But as renowned psychologist Albert Einstein said, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”
If we want change in our lives, we need to be willing to step outside of what’s familiar.
Like editing a well-worn draft, sometimes shaking things up can lead to a better result. It’s about bringing a fresh perspective and being open to new possibilities.
6) Fear of happiness
This one might sound counterintuitive, but believe it or not, sometimes we’re scared of being happy. The fear of happiness is an emotional loop that can keep us in a relationship that’s no longer serving us.
It’s called “cherophobia,” and it’s the fear that if we allow ourselves to be happy, something bad will inevitably happen.
So, we stick with the status quo, even if it’s making us miserable, because it feels safer.
As the famous psychologist Abraham Maslow once stated, “One can choose to go back toward safety or forward toward growth.”
Recognizing our fear of happiness and choosing growth over safety can help break this emotional loop.
Like editing a piece of writing, sometimes it’s about facing the fear of change and embracing the potential for greatness that lies beyond.
7) Self-deception
The final emotional loop is self-deception. Sometimes, we lie to ourselves about the state of our relationship, refusing to acknowledge the signs that it’s not working out.
Psychologist Daniel Goleman once said, “Self-deception operates both at the level of the individual and of groups…people can live under the illusion that everything is just fine.”
Recognizing self-deception and confronting the truth can help us break free from this emotional trap. Just like in editing, sometimes we have to face the hard truth to make progress.
Final reflections
Understanding our emotional loops and the psychology behind why we stay in relationships longer than we should can be a powerful tool for personal growth.
Just like a manuscript that’s gone through numerous revisions and edits, we too can refine our relational dynamics. The process might be challenging, but it’s worth it.
Unraveling these emotional loops is not about blaming ourselves or dwelling on past mistakes.
Instead, it’s about gaining insights into our patterns, acknowledging them, and then making conscious decisions to break free.
As you step forward, remember that every relationship, every experience has a lesson to offer. It’s about embracing the journey, learning along the way, and becoming the best version of ourselves.
So, take a moment to reflect on these emotional loops. Which ones resonate with you? And more importantly, what steps can you take to break free from them?
Remember, it’s never too late to edit your life’s story for a happier ending.
