I grew up in a household where every penny mattered. My parents did their best, but money was always tight, and that experience shaped me in ways I’m still discovering even now in my sixties.
The thing about growing up with financial constraints is that it creates patterns—ways of thinking and behaving that can stick with you long after your circumstances change. Some of these habits serve us well, like being resourceful or not taking things for granted. But others? Well, they can hold us back without us even realizing it.
After years of reflection and watching my own children navigate their adult lives, I’ve noticed certain tendencies that seem to crop up again and again in people who, like me, came from families where money was scarce. These aren’t character flaws—they’re survival strategies that made perfect sense at the time but might not serve us as well in different circumstances.
Let’s talk about five of the most common ones.
1. Staying hyper-focused on day-to-day survival
When you grow up in a household where the immediate concern is whether there’s enough money for groceries this week or if the electricity bill can be paid on time, you develop what I call “tunnel vision” about money.
You become really good at managing the here and now, but long-term planning? That’s a luxury you couldn’t afford to think about.
This shows up in adulthood in interesting ways. You might find yourself excellent at budgeting for monthly expenses but struggle to think about retirement savings or investments. The mindset of “I need to worry about this week first” can persist even when you’re financially stable enough to plan ahead.
And it’s no surprise. According to the APA, 72% of adults earning under $50K cite daily expenses as their top stressor, compared to 48% of those earning more. That constant focus on immediate needs can become so ingrained that it continues even when the crisis has passed.
I remember when I first started earning decent money in my thirties. I could cover my bills with room to spare, but I still found myself thinking week by week rather than year by year. It took conscious effort to shift that perspective.
2. Avoiding financial risks at all costs
Here’s something that might surprise you: growing up with financial instability often makes you more risk-averse with money, not less.
I noticed this in my own life but it’s not just me, it seems. Researchers have found that young people from higher-income backgrounds tend to have better financial literacy than those from lower-income families. Adding to this, people with low financial literacy are more risk-averse, often sticking to deposits and foreign currency.
It makes sense, I suppose. When you’ve seen what happens when financial decisions go wrong—when Dad’s overtime gets cut or Mom’s hours are reduced—you develop an almost allergic reaction to anything that feels financially uncertain.
This can show up as an extreme preference for “safe” financial choices. You might keep all your money in savings accounts earning minimal interest rather than investing, or you might avoid career moves that could lead to higher income because they feel too risky.
The irony is that sometimes the “safest” choice—like keeping all your money in a savings account—is actually the riskiest in the long run because inflation erodes your purchasing power over time.
3. Feeling uncomfortable asking for help or opportunities
Growing up in a family where resources were limited often means you learned to be self-reliant early. There’s pride in that—in knowing you can make do, figure things out, and not be a burden on others. But it can also create a blind spot when it comes to recognizing that asking for help or seeking opportunities isn’t weakness; it’s strategy.
I’ve seen this play out in my own life and in the lives of people around me. You might hesitate to ask for a promotion, even when you deserve it. You might not apply for jobs that seem “too good” for someone like you. You might turn down help from friends or family because you’re so used to handling things on your own.
Sociologist Annette Lareau explains that upper-class parents practice “concerted cultivation,” actively building their children’s skills through structured activities, while working-class parents tend to follow “natural growth,” offering more independence but less formal enrichment. These different parenting styles can lead to different competencies, including in money management.
The difference isn’t about love or caring—it’s about resources and cultural knowledge. When you grow up in the “natural growth” environment, you might not learn that it’s normal and expected to advocate for yourself, to seek out mentors, or to ask for what you need.
4. Carrying guilt about money
This one hits close to home for me.
Even now, when I’m financially comfortable, I sometimes feel guilty about spending money on things that aren’t strictly necessary. A nice dinner out, a vacation, even a book that I want but don’t need—there’s this little voice that says, “Is this really worth it?”
When you grow up seeing your parents sacrifice constantly, when you know that buying you new shoes meant Mom went without something she needed, you internalize the idea that spending money on yourself is selfish. You develop what I call “scarcity guilt”—the feeling that if you’re not struggling, you’re somehow doing something wrong.
This can show up as difficulty enjoying financial success, even when you’ve earned it. You might find yourself living well below your means not because you’re saving for something specific, but because spending feels wrong. You might give money away to family members or friends not out of generosity, but out of guilt about having more than them.
5. Viewing debt as a personal failure
Here’s something that might sound counterintuitive: people who grew up in low-income families often have a complicated relationship with debt that can actually hold them back financially.
On one hand, you’ve seen what happens when debt gets out of control—the stress, the arguments, the constant worry. And you would not be wrong to fear debt in some ways. Financial debt and loans are closely associated with increased psychological distress and poorer mental health.
However, this can manifest as being afraid to take on “good debt” like a mortgage or student loans, even when it would improve your long-term financial situation. You might rent forever because buying a house means taking on debt, or you might avoid going back to school because you can’t stomach the idea of student loans.
Final words
Looking back, I can see how each of these habits made sense given my circumstances. They were adaptive responses to real challenges. But recognizing them has helped me make more conscious choices about money and opportunities as an adult.
The key isn’t to judge yourself for these patterns—they served a purpose. It’s about awareness. Once you recognize these tendencies, you can start to question whether they’re still serving you or if it’s time to try a different approach.
What patterns do you recognize in your own relationship with money and opportunity? Sometimes the first step toward change is simply noticing what’s already there.
