It’s remarkable how a simple ring can spark a swirl of thoughts and feelings. For many, a phone call offers a direct line to another voice — whether it’s a friend, colleague, or client. Yet for others, that same ring can conjure apprehension, leading to a deliberate mental run-through of each word they intend to say.
This form of rehearsal can feel mildly embarrassing to admit, as though it reflects an unusual form of social anxiety.
In reality, it’s a more common experience than we might guess.
When translating research into practical applications, I’ve often seen individuals wrestling with moments of pre-call jitters. While some people dismiss the habit as overthinking, the truth is that mentally preparing can serve as a helpful strategy.
Across Europe, and certainly here in Ireland, many of us are navigating professional and personal calls with heightened sensitivity. The cultural shift toward remote work and digital reliance only amplifies the importance of clarity and connection in phone interactions.
It’s no wonder so many quietly rehearse key points before dialing, hoping to ensure the conversation goes smoothly. But beneath this pragmatic approach lurks a struggle:
Why do we need these rehearsals in the first place? And how do the online spaces we inhabit influence our view of this behavior?
A Quiet Struggle Before the Ring
For those who plan their words before hitting “call,” there is often a hidden worry that they will be misunderstood, lose their train of thought, or fail to express themselves convincingly.
That internal pressure creates a sense of urgency to get things exactly right. On a surface level, rehearsing can look purely self-conscious.
Underneath, however, it masks an earnest desire to foster genuine understanding.
A friend of mine in Dublin recently shared her own experience. She’s a keen communicator — always eloquent on paper or in text messages—yet phone calls unnerve her. As she explained it, “I’m fine once I’m actually talking, but it’s the moments leading up that feel like I’m bracing for judgment.”
Many people feel this way, but few openly discuss it. Instead, they might slip into the bathroom or pace a hallway, mentally reciting key phrases before placing the call. They wonder if this indicates a personal failing or a symptom of a broader anxiety.
From a practical standpoint, rehearsals serve a purpose: they help the speaker anticipate responses and structure their thoughts. Yet it’s easy to overlook the deeper longing at play — the desire for genuine connection without stumbling, for reassurance that one’s voice will be heard.
That longing often remains hidden because talking about phone anxiety can itself feel intimidating.
The result?
A largely unacknowledged struggle that plays out every day as people pick up their phones.
The Amplification of Online Voices
While phone anxiety is by no means a new phenomenon, modern digital spaces shape our perception of it in subtle ways. Across social media, blog posts, and forums, loud opinions dominate the conversation.
Some users minimize the issue, blaming those who rehearse calls for being “too sensitive,” while others amplify doom-and-gloom narratives about phone-related anxiety, painting it as a sign of bigger problems.
This dynamic creates a kind of echo chamber where certain voices — often the most extreme — get the most traction. Meanwhile, more balanced viewpoints can be drowned out.
The result?
An environment in which people who mentally rehearse calls are either dismissed outright or labeled with unwarranted psychological baggage. It’s increasingly difficult for the average person to sift through the online chatter and find nuanced perspectives that validate their personal experiences.
Recent workplace trends add another layer of complexity. With more roles shifting to remote or hybrid formats, phone and video calls have become a critical communication tool. Popular memes poke fun at the awkwardness of phone calls, sometimes trivializing the anxiety that precedes them. Yet the genuine challenges behind phone-call rehearsals rarely get the same spotlight.
Ireland’s expanding tech sector provides a prime example. Many companies here now operate internationally, making cross-border calls a daily routine.
When call anxiety arises, it’s easy for individuals to turn to social media for reassurance. Instead, they often encounter oversimplified takes: “Just pick up the phone, it’s no big deal!” or “If you’re anxious about calls, you shouldn’t be in this line of work.” Such extremes fail to recognize that rehearsing a call can be a sign of thoroughness, empathy, or respect.
People simply want to make sure they’re delivering a message accurately—an admirable trait that gets lost in the digital echo chamber.
A Path Toward Balance
Pre-call rituals deserve more than blanket dismissal or sensational fear-mongering. There is a sweet spot between hyper-vigilance and carefree spontaneity, a place where we can allow ourselves a brief mental warm-up without letting anxiety dominate our approach to communication.
It’s perfectly reasonable to want clarity in what we say, especially if the stakes feel high. At the same time, conversations flourish when we remain open to surprise twists or unscripted moments.
Rehearsing every single word can create undue pressure, but neglecting any preparation at all can lead us to feel ungrounded. Finding balance means acknowledging the anxieties that nudge us to prepare while letting go of the self-critical narrative that we’re “too cautious.”
Direct Message
Sometimes the best way forward is to merge thoughtful preparation with genuine openness—reflecting on our words while staying receptive to unexpected moments in conversation.
The Subtle Attributes of Thoughtful Callers
A closer look at those who rehearse phone calls reveals that they often share a set of qualities that go unnoticed in a culture quick to judge.
Below are seven characteristics that may ring true if you’ve ever found yourself pacing the room, practicing your opening lines:
- Empathy for the Listener
People who mentally rehearse often want to ensure the message lands kindly. They care about not overwhelming or confusing the person on the other end, reflecting a strong sense of interpersonal awareness. - Attention to Detail
Crafting the right words beforehand shows a desire for accuracy. This trait can be especially valuable in professional settings where clarity is crucial—like negotiating, networking, or discussing complex issues. - Reflective Self-Awareness
Pausing to go over a script in your head suggests you’re conscious of your emotional state. You may intuitively sense when anxiety is creeping in, and you strive to manage it proactively. - Respect for Others’ Time
Mentally preparing a concise way of saying something signals respect. It indicates you’re aiming to be efficient and considerate in how you communicate, rather than rambling without a clear point. - Resourceful Coping
People who rehearse phone calls often have a toolkit of calm-inducing strategies, whether it’s deep breathing, role-playing with a friend, or jotting down bullet points. This resourcefulness can extend to other areas of life, too. - Goal Orientation
Since you’re mentally simulating the conversation, you likely have a clear vision of what you hope to achieve—be it getting a question answered, sharing important news, or resolving a conflict. - Adaptability Under Pressure
Ironically, rehearsing can help you become more flexible once the call starts. By thinking through possible responses, you’re better equipped to pivot if the conversation takes an unexpected turn.
These traits, rather than suggesting weakness, can be reframed as indicators of conscientiousness, empathy, and thoughtfulness. When harnessed effectively, they make for communicators who are both prepared and open-minded.
A Timely Perspective
In a world increasingly defined by digital chatter and fast-paced updates, it’s vital to remember that many people crave authenticity in how they connect.
Recent global events, from widespread lockdowns to the shift toward remote offices, have only heightened our reliance on calls and virtual meetings. Individuals who rehearse before speaking might find themselves caught in a confusing swirl of online advice: some voices champion a carefree, unplanned style, while others warn of dire consequences if you aren’t “natural” enough.
Yet as we’ve explored, there’s a middle ground: acknowledging that preparation can alleviate anxiety and foster more deliberate communication, without letting it become a barrier to spontaneity.
From my experience facilitating resilience workshops, a small micro-habit — such as spending 30 seconds visualizing the conversation’s key points — can put you in a confident headspace. Then, allow the rest of the dialogue to flow naturally, accepting that real conversations sometimes meander.
This strategy aims for an integrative balance: you benefit from the clarity of preparation while inviting the dynamic energy that comes from genuine human interaction.
Integrating Wisdom into Daily Life
Mentally rehearsing phone calls isn’t the eccentric quirk it’s made out to be. It’s a coping method, a sign of empathy, and sometimes a testament to personal growth.
By looking past sensationalized online debates, we see that stepping into a conversation with just enough preparation — and a willingness to embrace unexpected moments — can be a powerful means of building authentic connections.
Through thoughtful self-awareness and a gentle willingness to adapt, each call becomes an opportunity not only to convey information but also to deepen understanding and share a bit of humanity in a digitally driven age.
