I once spent a rainy Saturday morning wandering a flea market near Barcelona, completely alone and blissfully unhurried.
No one needed me to hurry past the dusty vinyl records or the table of mismatched teacups.
The experience reminded me that choosing singleness—whether for a season or a lifetime—can feel deeply expansive.
Psychology backs that up, and today I’m unpacking nine traits that researchers repeatedly find in people who stay single by choice.
If any of them ring true for you, take them as confirmation that your path is valid, purposeful, and full of possibility.
1. Comfort with autonomy
Voluntarily single adults tend to show a high “autonomy orientation,” a term self-determination researchers use to describe decisions driven by personal values rather than social pressure.
One cross-cultural study of 629 adults found that people who prefer singlehood consistently scored lower on fear-of-being-single measures and higher on autonomous motivation for everyday choices.
That autonomy spills over into work, hobbies, and even sleep habits—and it often explains why traditional relationship milestones feel unnecessary rather than missing.
These individuals don’t just tolerate solitude—they shape it into a space where personal freedom and creativity can thrive.
They’re not avoiding connection; they’re choosing self-direction over social conformity.
2. Strong self-awareness
Most voluntary singles spend generous time in reflection—sometimes through therapy, sometimes through meditation, sometimes through plain old journaling.
A 2022 Frontiers in Psychology review noted that singles who report the highest life satisfaction also score high on openness and conscientiousness, two traits tightly linked to self-monitoring.
When you understand your triggers, values, and limits, you’re less likely to settle for partnerships that clash with them.
Self-awareness gives you clarity about what you truly need versus what you’ve been conditioned to want.
This internal alignment often becomes a compass for both personal peace and long-term decision-making.
3. Intentional social networks
Singles by choice rarely equate “alone” with “isolated.”
They’re deliberate about building layered circles—friends for deep talks, friends for hiking, friends for lazy movie nights.
I split those categories myself after moving to Madrid; the clarity keeps each friendship vibrant rather than stretched thin.
- Core confidants I can call at 2 a.m.
- Activity buddies who share specific interests (yoga, language exchange, indie film).
- Community anchors—neighbors, market vendors, baristas—who add everyday warmth.
A 2020 Pew Research Center report found that 55% of singles see friends at least weekly, outpacing the 43% reported by married counterparts.
Voluntary singles often take full responsibility for their social health, curating quality connections instead of defaulting to proximity or convenience.
They show that meaningful relationships don’t need a romantic label to offer deep fulfillment.
4. Growth-oriented mindset
Singles who thrive treat life as a continuous workshop.
They enroll in pottery classes, chase certifications, or learn new languages because growth itself feels rewarding.
That mindset predicts well-being across relationship statuses, but its effect is amplified when you’re steering solo.
The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology recently linked personal-growth initiative with greater satisfaction among singles in their 30s and 40s, independent of income or education levels.
This drive for self-improvement often creates a solid internal foundation that doesn’t rely on external validation.
Instead of waiting for life to begin with a partner, they invest in themselves now—and often find deeper meaning because of it.
5. Financial independence and literacy
Choosing singlehood often means designing a one-person economic safety net.
Voluntary singles are more likely to budget meticulously, invest early, and diversify income streams.
This isn’t just anecdotal.
Pew data show single women now own 58% of U.S. homes purchased by unmarried buyers, a trend fueled by proactive financial planning.
Being solely responsible for finances encourages a deep understanding of money—not just how to earn it, but how to sustain it with intention.
And that level of control can build confidence that seeps into every other part of life, from travel to retirement plans.
6. Clear personal boundaries
Living solo makes it obvious when someone oversteps—an unannounced visit, a pressuring remark about your love life, a work request that spills past midnight.
Singles who flourish respond with firm, respectful “no”s.
I learned this in my early thirties while freelancing: without boundaries, clients assumed I had endless time because I “didn’t have kids.”
Stating limits protected my mental health and my creative spark.
Psychologists call this high boundary clarity, a predictor of lower stress and better sleep quality across multiple studies.
These boundaries aren’t just walls—they’re frameworks for keeping life intentional, relationships respectful, and energy focused where it matters most.
7. High openness to experience
From spontaneous solo travel to trying taiko drumming on a Tuesday night, voluntarily single individuals often lean into novelty.
This trait shows up in Big Five research as high openness, which correlates with both creativity and positive solitude practices.
Research suggest openness buffers against loneliness by turning solitude into exploration rather than emptiness.
Singles with this trait see the world as something to taste and explore—not something to wait through until a relationship appears.
They chase moments that stretch their thinking and welcome discomfort as part of the growth process.
8. Preference for flexibility
Ask a happily single friend about weekend plans and you’ll notice space for spur-of-the-moment changes.
Flexibility—where you can pivot from a three-hour hike to an impromptu art exhibit—feels like oxygen.
Researchers studying voluntary singlehood note that many participants value schedule fluidity as highly as emotional compatibility in a hypothetical partner.
That adaptability shows up in how they plan their time, manage their priorities, and navigate personal goals.
They often find joy in being able to change direction without negotiation, viewing that spontaneity as one of life’s great luxuries.
9. Positive solitude practices
Solitude isn’t the absence of people; it’s the presence of self.
Regular meditation, extended journaling sessions, and solo nature walks turn alone time into restoration.
Dr. Bella DePaulo once wrote, “The freedom to be single, to create a path through life that does not look like everyone else’s, can be unsettling to people who feel more secure with fewer choices.”
Her words echo the experience many singles describe: solitude chosen is empowering, not isolating.
When we own solitary moments, we stop running from ourselves.
Those who master this practice often carry a deep, quiet confidence that speaks louder than constant connection ever could.
Final thoughts
Before we finish, there’s one more thing I need to address: these nine traits aren’t a checklist for worthiness.
They’re patterns—helpful mirrors that reflect how intentional singlehood often takes shape.
Whether you’re single for now or forever, notice which traits you already embody and which ones invite deeper practice.
Then honor the freedom to live in alignment with your own design, no apologies necessary.
Because choosing singlehood isn’t about opting out—it’s about opting in to a life that fits.
