Most people like to think they’re socially savvy—but the truth is, strong social skills are more than just being friendly or talkative.
In fact, some of the most telling signs of poor social awareness aren’t loud or dramatic—they’re subtle behaviors that quietly push others away.
Psychologists have studied the patterns behind what makes someone easy (or difficult) to connect with, and the findings are surprisingly consistent.
Whether in a casual chat or a more serious interaction, these small habits can instantly reveal someone is lacking the social skills needed to build trust, connection, and ease.
If you spot these behaviors, there’s a good chance something important is missing from the social equation.
1. Interrupting others nonstop
Have you ever tried having a conversation with someone who never lets you finish a sentence? It’s mentally draining, not to mention frustrating.
Constant interruption signals that you’re not truly paying attention—and it can make people feel like you’re brushing off their thoughts.
Sometimes it happens because you’re excited to share your own ideas, but if it’s a recurring habit, it sends the message that you believe your perspective is the most important one.
Active listening is vital for building rapport. It involves pausing and letting the other person complete what they’re saying before you jump in with your take.
As Dale Carnegie famously said, “You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”
If you’re prone to cutting others off, try simply jotting down a quick note of what you want to say, then wait until the speaker is done. You’ll be amazed how this small change can drastically improve your conversational flow.
2. Avoiding eye contact
When someone can’t maintain even brief eye contact, it sends signals of discomfort or lack of interest.
Eye contact doesn’t mean staring someone down; it’s about demonstrating genuine engagement in the present moment.
Consistently avoiding another person’s gaze can come across as anxiety, uncertainty, or even dishonesty.
A healthy amount of eye contact builds trust and conveys respect. If looking into someone’s eyes makes you uneasy, start small—hold their gaze for a few seconds, then glance away naturally before returning.
As you get more comfortable, it’ll become second nature. This simple step can instantly make conversations feel friendlier and more genuine, because you’re sending the message, “I see you, and I hear you.”
3. Monopolizing the conversation
We’ve all met that person at a party who drones on and on about their life, never stopping to consider if anyone else has something to share.
They skip over the subtle cues—like shifting body language or polite nods that say, “I’d like to speak now”—and keep hogging center stage.
This can stem from excitement or insecurity, but in any case, it often leads to the other person tuning out or searching for an escape.
A simple fix is to pause periodically and ask a question: “What do you think?” or “How does that compare to your experience?” This invites the listener to participate.
Conversation is supposed to be a two-way street; when you make space for others to contribute, you create a more balanced exchange.
People generally appreciate feeling heard, and letting them have a turn to speak builds rapport far more effectively than an endless monologue.
4. Showing little to no empathy
Empathy is one of the cornerstones of emotional intelligence. It’s the capacity to acknowledge and even feel a bit of what someone else is experiencing.
When someone brushes off another person’s worries with remarks like, “It’s really not that bad” or “Stop being so dramatic,” it signals a lack of sensitivity to how others might be feeling.
According to the team at Very Well Mind, “Empathy is vital for the health and longevity of relationships. Without it, we can’t build the understanding we need to forge close, supportive connections.”
You don’t have to fix someone’s problems to show empathy. Often, a simple, “I’m sorry you’re dealing with that. How can I help?” speaks volumes.
Responding in this way also makes people more inclined to open up, because they sense understanding rather than judgment. In turn, conversations become more meaningful and authentic.
5. Displaying inappropriate body language
Body language is a silent communicator that can strengthen or undermine your words in an instant.
Crossed arms, fidgeting, or turning away can suggest defensiveness or disinterest.
On the other side of the spectrum, standing too close or touching someone without gauging their comfort level can make them feel awkward or even threatened.
Strive for posture that’s open and relaxed—facing the person you’re speaking with, arms at your sides or gently folded, and nodding occasionally.
A friend of mine once suggested subtly mirroring the other person’s stance to stay on the same wavelength. Just be sure not to mimic them in a cartoonish way.
By aligning your body language with the tone of the conversation, you convey respect and approachability, two key elements in any healthy social interaction.
6. Relying too heavily on sarcasm or negativity
A dash of sarcasm can be fun, but when it’s your go-to response, it can feel stifling to others.
Negativity or cynical quips often put people on edge, making them wonder if they’re the next target.
It’s not about being relentlessly cheerful, but balance matters. If you find yourself constantly throwing out a cutting remark or defaulting to complaints, try flipping the script by mentioning something you appreciate or find interesting.
This shift in tone can make the other person feel more at ease and encourage a more enjoyable exchange overall.
7. Struggling with basic small talk
I used to find small talk completely soul-sucking, but eventually, I realized it’s like a handshake for conversation: a polite, low-stakes way to signal you’re friendly and open to interaction.
Brushing it off as pointless or diving straight into deeply personal topics can catch others off guard and make them uncomfortable.
Basic small talk can be as simple as asking, “How’s your day going?” or commenting on a shared experience—like a local event or the setting you’re in. It doesn’t have to last long.
The key is to show you’re willing to engage on a neutral level before deciding if both parties want to go deeper.
As tempting as it may sound, avoiding small talk entirely risks making you seem abrupt or indifferent to social norms, which can drive people away before they get to know your more interesting layers.
Rounding things off
Ultimately, social skills are less about having a particular personality and more about demonstrating respect for others.
No one is born a perfect conversationalist. Being self-aware is the first step, and practice is the second.
Try focusing on one habit at a time—maybe work on not interrupting anyone for a full day, or on offering an empathetic response when a friend vents about their bad day.
Over time, these small efforts can lead to a huge shift in how you relate to others. And that, in my view, is the real payoff: having honest, meaningful interactions that enrich both your life and the lives of those around you.
