Navigating through the maze of human interaction can be a tricky game, especially when it comes to deciphering who’s genuinely good and who’s just putting on a show.
Psychology provides a fascinating insight into the telltale signs that someone might just be masquerading as a good person. There are subtle indicators and behaviours that can reveal the truth.
In this article, we’re going to explore seven of these key signs. By the end, you’ll be better equipped to read between the lines and make informed judgments about the people you interact with, whether it’s in your professional life or personal circles.
Remember, it’s not about being judgmental, but rather about understanding people better.
1) Excessive charm
In the realm of human interaction, charm can be a double-edged sword.
Sure, we’re drawn to people who are charismatic and engaging. They’re delightful to be around and often leave us feeling good about ourselves.
But according to psychology, excessive charm can sometimes be a disguise for a more sinister reality.
While it’s not to say that all charming people are psychopaths, it’s worth noting that individuals with manipulative tendencies often use charm as a weapon to achieve their goals.
If someone seems excessively charming, always agreeing with you or complimenting you, take a step back. It’s worth considering if they’re genuinely nice or just pretending to be good to serve their interests.
Remember, authentic goodness doesn’t need to be flashy or over-the-top. It’s often found in quiet acts of kindness and consistent behavior.
2) Lack of empathy
One of the most telling signs someone might just be playing the good person role is a lack of genuine empathy.
I remember a friend who always seemed to say the right things, but when it came to truly understanding or sharing in the feelings of others, she was noticeably absent.
Over time, it became clear that her kindness was more about maintaining her image than genuinely caring about others.
As the famed psychologist Carl Rogers once said, “When someone really hears you without passing judgment on you, without trying to take responsibility for you, without trying to mold you, it feels damn good.”
And it’s true. Genuine empathy is not about imposing our own feelings or solutions on others; it’s about understanding and sharing their emotions.
If someone’s kindness never goes beyond surface-level niceties or they seem detached when you’re sharing personal feelings or struggles, it might be a sign they’re only pretending to be good.
True goodness comes with empathy and understanding, not just empty words.
3) Inconsistency in actions
Ever find yourself puzzled by someone’s actions not matching their words?
This inconsistency can be a red flag. Pretenders often say one thing and do another, because maintaining an image is a difficult balancing act.
You might hear them talk about helping others, but when the opportunity comes, they’re nowhere to be found.
Abraham Maslow, the famous psychologist known for creating Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, once said, “What is necessary to change a person is to change his awareness of himself.”
This quote serves as a reminder that true goodness comes from self-awareness and consistent actions, not just well-crafted words.
It’s raw, it’s honest, but it’s the truth – if someone’s actions don’t align with their words, they might just be pretending to be a good person.
4) They rarely admit to being wrong
We’re all human, and to err is part of our nature. But a person who’s only pretending to be good will rarely admit when they’re wrong.
This is tied to their need to maintain a certain image. Admitting mistakes could tarnish this image, so they often avoid it, even when evidence clearly points out their error.
A study found that people who are more concerned about how others perceive them are less likely to admit their mistakes.
This is because acknowledging an error can lead to a decrease in social status, which is something they desperately want to avoid.
If you’re dealing with someone who never admits they’re wrong, even in the face of clear evidence, it might be a sign they’re not as good as they portray themselves to be.
Real goodness comes with humility and the courage to acknowledge when we’ve messed up.
5) They’re quick to point out others’ flaws
Ever notice how some people are quick to judge others but rarely hold the same mirror up to themselves?
This was something I often saw in a former colleague. She was always ready to point out others’ mistakes, but rarely acknowledged her own. It took me a while to realize this was a sign she was only pretending to be good.
Prominent psychologist Sigmund Freud once said:
“He that has eyes to see and ears to hear may convince himself that no mortal can keep a secret. If his lips are silent, he chatters with his fingertips; betrayal oozes out of him at every pore.”
People who are pretending often try to deflect attention from their own flaws by highlighting others’. It’s a defense mechanism designed to preserve their image.
If you notice someone constantly pointing out others’ mistakes while ignoring their own, it could be a sign they’re merely pretending to be good.
Genuine goodness involves humility and understanding that we all have our flaws.
6) Their kindness always comes with a price
Kindness should be a selfless act, right? But what if it always seems to come with a price tag?
This can be one of the most counterintuitive signs. After all, if someone is being kind, they must be good, right? Not always.
I’m reminded of a quote from psychologist Carl Jung: “The shoe that fits one person pinches another; there is no recipe for living that suits all cases.”
This speaks to the idea that not all acts of kindness are as pure as they seem. If you find that someone’s kindness always comes with an expectation of something in return, it could be a sign they’re just pretending to be good.
Genuine kindness is about giving without expectation, not about creating debts to be paid back later.
7) They lack genuine interest in others
True goodness involves taking a genuine interest in others. If someone is only pretending to be good, they might fail to show this interest.
As the renowned psychologist Dale Carnegie said, “You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”
If you’re interacting with a person who seems disinterested in learning about others or consistently shifts the focus back to themselves, it may be a sign they’re only pretending to be good.
Real goodness is about valuing others and showing genuine interest in their lives.
Final thoughts
Navigating the human landscape can be a labyrinth of complexities.
But understanding these seven signs can equip you with the tools to discern between a genuinely good person and someone who’s merely putting on a show.
Remember, it’s not about judging others but about gaining insight to make informed decisions about the relationships in your life.
As you reflect on these signs, consider the people in your circles. Do their actions align with their words? Is their kindness selfless or does it come with strings attached?
In the end, it’s about recognizing that real goodness is consistently authentic, empathetic, and humble. It’s about valuing others for who they are and showing genuine interest in their lives.
Authenticity might be a rare commodity in today’s world, but with awareness, you can better navigate through the pretense and gravitate towards genuine connections.
